A poetic plea for today….
For even now, when I truly don’t understand why You have requested of me what You have…
I know that it is indeed what You have asked!
I know that You love me and I know that You know what You are doing.
I know that You love me and I know that You promised that this will all be for the best.
And so I wish my flesh would just fall away and that I could find the beauty in all of this pain!
That my tears would stop cursing what so rightfully was done.
I accepted the task just as You knew that I would and I rely on the knowledge that Your strength will see me through.
Because as I look on, from where I now stand, it feels as though it was all for nothing…
But I humbly return to what You have promised; that Your Will ultimately prevails.
Because I cannot know Your thoughts or Your ways in matters such as these.
And much like betrayal does, it elicits the weakness of the former me
But the battle was marked with a kiss and I am filled with desire
Victory will soon come as I continue to reach for Your hand on the other side of this Fire…
Friday, August 13, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Rest In the Arms of Love
11 August 2010
I guess today I just wonder why my sleep is troubled with dreams of the same nonsense I could occupy my mind with all day long. In my sleep I think I forget You are still present; as so many of my moments of the day do the same! My heart is torn…I know that I am beginning to love as You have asked Father, I know because it is despite myself that I see and trust in You as the final Author of all the plans of every man’s life. This is Love! That I can stand by and allow people to make wrong choices and indulge in their false selves and meanwhile remain beside the door of who they truly are waiting for them to arrive and step into that identity; always centering in on the true person underneath the façade and beneath all of the uncertainty. This is Love! That I am allowed see what is broken in people and I am willing to partake in the sweet offering of anything that You gave me to help them grow closer to You. This is Love…and I love people, and when I don’t…it pains me. When I cannot put myself aside! When I cannot remove the hurt or erase a trespass someone has committed against me! When I cannot unknow what I think I know about them in order to love them anew each day; to appreciate who they are becoming, at Your Hand, in this very moment! When I cannot love, it torments me! It robs my mind of peace and I ruminate on Your Love for me and how in so many instances I fall short of returning that act of kindness. I have never been able to stand the loss of harmony; not even before I knew You knew me. It is a gift, a desire You have placed so deep into my heart that even when I did not understand the raw nature of Your love, I was compelled from the depth of my being to offer grace and strive for love towards others! It has been my fight and I anticipate that it always will be. Love embarks on a journey of healing and healing is what Your Son came to offer throughout His journey. And I am honored to be invited into the freedom to love. And I am challenged by it. I long to reach the point where I can love free of myself…and it is a work in progress…that I thank You for…and as I fade…You transfigure within me! Lord please do not stop teaching me how You love and please free up those places in me that are still rebelling against this call! I desperately need You to show me how; I know You will and I am grateful….may I rest in Your arms as I close my eyes this night. Amen
I guess today I just wonder why my sleep is troubled with dreams of the same nonsense I could occupy my mind with all day long. In my sleep I think I forget You are still present; as so many of my moments of the day do the same! My heart is torn…I know that I am beginning to love as You have asked Father, I know because it is despite myself that I see and trust in You as the final Author of all the plans of every man’s life. This is Love! That I can stand by and allow people to make wrong choices and indulge in their false selves and meanwhile remain beside the door of who they truly are waiting for them to arrive and step into that identity; always centering in on the true person underneath the façade and beneath all of the uncertainty. This is Love! That I am allowed see what is broken in people and I am willing to partake in the sweet offering of anything that You gave me to help them grow closer to You. This is Love…and I love people, and when I don’t…it pains me. When I cannot put myself aside! When I cannot remove the hurt or erase a trespass someone has committed against me! When I cannot unknow what I think I know about them in order to love them anew each day; to appreciate who they are becoming, at Your Hand, in this very moment! When I cannot love, it torments me! It robs my mind of peace and I ruminate on Your Love for me and how in so many instances I fall short of returning that act of kindness. I have never been able to stand the loss of harmony; not even before I knew You knew me. It is a gift, a desire You have placed so deep into my heart that even when I did not understand the raw nature of Your love, I was compelled from the depth of my being to offer grace and strive for love towards others! It has been my fight and I anticipate that it always will be. Love embarks on a journey of healing and healing is what Your Son came to offer throughout His journey. And I am honored to be invited into the freedom to love. And I am challenged by it. I long to reach the point where I can love free of myself…and it is a work in progress…that I thank You for…and as I fade…You transfigure within me! Lord please do not stop teaching me how You love and please free up those places in me that are still rebelling against this call! I desperately need You to show me how; I know You will and I am grateful….may I rest in Your arms as I close my eyes this night. Amen
Monday, August 9, 2010
Time after Time....
As I sit before this computer asking God to guide my hands as I write, I realize it is surrender that I am truly after…..
Over the years many things have all fallen into the background of this new reality. I used to believe that I would always be slave to what people thought of me; that I would always be bound to the world’s view of success. I have lost sight of this now, but I see that being free from others is a first step in a process of surrender. I am now faced with freedom from myself, from my own take on things, from my fears and my doubts, from my preconceived notions and painful regrets, from the business I fill my day with to the things I give priority; free to be surrendered only to His voice alone, to receive His guidance. Though many moments elude me, as I grasp for such incidence, it is my goal to stay tuned with His heart and His whisper as He guides my soul to be completely aware and awakened, as never before, to His unbroken presence. I find myself captivated by these moments, so much so that I never want to leave. All else fades away and I see as He would have me see; I see men as His beautiful creation, each one a miracle to be marveled upon. I see the tree sway outside of the window as the sun sheds its rays upon the whispering leaves; I see majesty and creativity. I see transparency as a gift that should be offered even to a stranger, because small talk is pointless. I see purity in the hearts and minds of children as they play with no regard for the prison we call time. Honestly, time seems to stop…but when I glance down only a few moments on the wretched face of the clock have turned. I wish to simply stay so engulfed in His love that time, as we declare it, becomes irrelevant. That it vanishes and falls desperately short…and all that rules is the divine encounter of God. That sitting at His feet or in His arms was a priority to the start of any day; that nothing would be worth doing without first knowing His company beside us as we step into the other reality we are called to remain in... Truly I offer to all of you this one thought, that once the desire has been lit, you will no longer want to part from the truth and the pure beauty you are introduced to when He comes near. How could we ever find life like this in any other consciousness?
I read a scripture this morning and as I ponder, before His eyes, what exactly it means I feel different. I feel every fiber of my body; I have become keenly aware of all of my senses. I feel overwhelmed and thankful for Gods creativity in making me, in making all of us; Just having the moment to feel, to breathe, to know He made me is a wonder. It makes my body tingle; recognizing that every detail of me is Gods design. Nothing of me is like any other. And so the old reality comes forward in my thought and I am saddened by the notion that so many of us compare ourselves to others when we are so lovingly intended to be just us; The “us” that God breathed into existence. Honestly many thoughts have crossed my path where I believed I was small because of the way God made another; and haven’t we all felt this? Haven’t we all compared ourselves to the intellect, the beauty, the courage, the ambition, or simply the journey of another? Perhaps this is why He longs to meet with us so often; to remind us to see what miracles we all are. Perhaps this is the freedom from ourselves we must pursue! It becomes increasingly hard to appreciate Gods masterpiece if we are constantly consumed with our differences. How can we truly love each other if we do not see how loved we are through our very own amazing design? But when we know the presence of Him we are free to see His work without having to consider to our own worth, because we are assured of His love. We are basking in it!
So the scripture read, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the Glory of God.” 1Cor 10:31
And so it read to me, do all things with the awareness that God is there….that He is with us; the greatest Glory of God being His willing and constant presence in our lives.
Have you ever truly tried to drink or eat with the consciousness of God? Try it! Really, right now! Try to drink something while thinking of God, you will find that it comes alive. The flavors and the smells become manifestations of Christ, you find yourself desperately aware of what you are bringing into the temple and deeply appreciative for whatever it is that parts your lips. Now imagine if you could do this all day, in every moment, with every breath…..it changes things doesn’t it? Wouldn’t your senses become more in tune to truth? Wouldn’t your eyes see brothers and sisters all around? Wouldn’t your intentions come alive with passion and vision like none other? Wouldn’t your thoughts remain pure and full of hope? Wouldn’t your hands appreciate the ability to feel and your ears the ability to hear all of His celestial artistry? Wouldn’t your heart fall in love again and again in correlation with the moments you called Him into conscious presence in your day? Wouldn’t you be free? Wouldn’t you be surrendered to His will? I cannot direct any of you, but I would pray that each of you sincerely attempts to practice the presence of God in every moment, and I believe you will come to know a reality worth staying in forevermore…. I love you!
Over the years many things have all fallen into the background of this new reality. I used to believe that I would always be slave to what people thought of me; that I would always be bound to the world’s view of success. I have lost sight of this now, but I see that being free from others is a first step in a process of surrender. I am now faced with freedom from myself, from my own take on things, from my fears and my doubts, from my preconceived notions and painful regrets, from the business I fill my day with to the things I give priority; free to be surrendered only to His voice alone, to receive His guidance. Though many moments elude me, as I grasp for such incidence, it is my goal to stay tuned with His heart and His whisper as He guides my soul to be completely aware and awakened, as never before, to His unbroken presence. I find myself captivated by these moments, so much so that I never want to leave. All else fades away and I see as He would have me see; I see men as His beautiful creation, each one a miracle to be marveled upon. I see the tree sway outside of the window as the sun sheds its rays upon the whispering leaves; I see majesty and creativity. I see transparency as a gift that should be offered even to a stranger, because small talk is pointless. I see purity in the hearts and minds of children as they play with no regard for the prison we call time. Honestly, time seems to stop…but when I glance down only a few moments on the wretched face of the clock have turned. I wish to simply stay so engulfed in His love that time, as we declare it, becomes irrelevant. That it vanishes and falls desperately short…and all that rules is the divine encounter of God. That sitting at His feet or in His arms was a priority to the start of any day; that nothing would be worth doing without first knowing His company beside us as we step into the other reality we are called to remain in... Truly I offer to all of you this one thought, that once the desire has been lit, you will no longer want to part from the truth and the pure beauty you are introduced to when He comes near. How could we ever find life like this in any other consciousness?
I read a scripture this morning and as I ponder, before His eyes, what exactly it means I feel different. I feel every fiber of my body; I have become keenly aware of all of my senses. I feel overwhelmed and thankful for Gods creativity in making me, in making all of us; Just having the moment to feel, to breathe, to know He made me is a wonder. It makes my body tingle; recognizing that every detail of me is Gods design. Nothing of me is like any other. And so the old reality comes forward in my thought and I am saddened by the notion that so many of us compare ourselves to others when we are so lovingly intended to be just us; The “us” that God breathed into existence. Honestly many thoughts have crossed my path where I believed I was small because of the way God made another; and haven’t we all felt this? Haven’t we all compared ourselves to the intellect, the beauty, the courage, the ambition, or simply the journey of another? Perhaps this is why He longs to meet with us so often; to remind us to see what miracles we all are. Perhaps this is the freedom from ourselves we must pursue! It becomes increasingly hard to appreciate Gods masterpiece if we are constantly consumed with our differences. How can we truly love each other if we do not see how loved we are through our very own amazing design? But when we know the presence of Him we are free to see His work without having to consider to our own worth, because we are assured of His love. We are basking in it!
So the scripture read, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the Glory of God.” 1Cor 10:31
And so it read to me, do all things with the awareness that God is there….that He is with us; the greatest Glory of God being His willing and constant presence in our lives.
Have you ever truly tried to drink or eat with the consciousness of God? Try it! Really, right now! Try to drink something while thinking of God, you will find that it comes alive. The flavors and the smells become manifestations of Christ, you find yourself desperately aware of what you are bringing into the temple and deeply appreciative for whatever it is that parts your lips. Now imagine if you could do this all day, in every moment, with every breath…..it changes things doesn’t it? Wouldn’t your senses become more in tune to truth? Wouldn’t your eyes see brothers and sisters all around? Wouldn’t your intentions come alive with passion and vision like none other? Wouldn’t your thoughts remain pure and full of hope? Wouldn’t your hands appreciate the ability to feel and your ears the ability to hear all of His celestial artistry? Wouldn’t your heart fall in love again and again in correlation with the moments you called Him into conscious presence in your day? Wouldn’t you be free? Wouldn’t you be surrendered to His will? I cannot direct any of you, but I would pray that each of you sincerely attempts to practice the presence of God in every moment, and I believe you will come to know a reality worth staying in forevermore…. I love you!
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