Let Freedom Reign....

Well, I guess here goes, just to break the spell...as I have felt the draw back to these keys and the words pouring over my soul...I have also felt a hesitation...but perhaps today is the day after all...to simply write out what is writhing in my heart! Where does love go in those moments as we stand before another human and search ourselves for what it is that sets us apart; what it is that we have that they do not? Do you even realize that you do this? I am uncertain if it was Gods design or our self centered nature that does such a thing, but if we are honest we all do this. But you see this is where it all begins to unravel for us, because our hearts are faint and our minds weak and our flesh hungry we can easily seep right into judgement instead of love. I am by no means a person who does not understand the importance of making choices that keep us free, but I also see somewhat of an interesting dynamic occurring in this space. If it was as easy as simply calling out the problem, wouldn’t we all just be instantly healed as soon as someone told us what our behavioral problems were? Much like telling an addict to stop being addicted, or an anxious person to stop being anxious, or a believer to stop worrying and just trust in the Lord; our judgements of others do nothing to set them free, even and especially when we are correct in our assessments. If anything it keeps them trapped. But Love, it sets us free!!! I suppose the best way to get to where I’m going with all this talk is to start with a story of my own! I recall like it was yesterday, the empty night that led me to a new freedom. I sat just entering my journey with Him, recalling my stubborn heart that the one area I already decided I would never succeed in was my purity. Why you ask? I had way too much hurt there? Too much confusion and comfort to let go? Too many lies and repeat offenses to see with any sort of clarity? But I remember gasping for breath as I recognized the prison I had built around my life and my beating heart falling from my chest drenched in bloody tears. May I add it was not at the hand of a critic, a pastor or a “concerned” bystander. It was in the quietness of my surrender in a moment that He reached in and pried from my fragile hands the lie that had robbed me of Him and a portion of His love for much of my life! I had been arguing for months with Him, myself and others about the validity of my stance. About the rationalizations I could fragment together effectively into a sound argument that quieted the voices and satiated the flesh...sure it was desolate but it was mine and I had no idea there was another way until He showed me. But into the breath of this silent night He would brush directly across the wound and reveal what I needed the most and it did not resemble what I thought I wanted the most.                                                                                                                            The words sounded like Love! If there ever was a sound made in pure love it was His voice in this dark night, which would illuminate my soul and my sin and usher in a treasured repentance that had laid in wait! His breath warm, close and clear whispered, “I simply want you to know what I meant when I created this exchange of intimacy. I want you to experience it the way I meant it, Sarah. That is what I have for you.” Those words changed everything, all my stubbornness fell off like scales and I sat weeping taking the bricks down one by one! You see it wasn’t ever gonna be the judgement or rules of another that did what this moment did. I was instantly set free....Maybe I’m not being clear! Here is the raw script of my life, promiscuity was my vice, I used it to control the world around me and hide my vulnerability. I would never allow a man to pursue me or find me waiting...I would lead the way and therefore keep myself safe! Yeah I know, messed up right, but you see I lived in a world as a child where this precious beauty of purity was stripped from me over and over again and somewhere in the midst of horror the enemy twisted my eyes to grab hold of what they wanted from me and use it to control my hurt! It has been 9 years now free and celibate and I always think of the woman at the well when I now stand pure before another...you see this is how Jesus came to me. He searched my heart for the wound, He did not stand in front of me condemning my acts but instead showed me the Source...He wanted to show me why I was doing what I was doing and reveal a far better reality to the one I had chosen to settle for! Those words He whispered told me there was better, there was more, there was hope...it beckoned me to wait for the very best He had to offer when He designed this thing, that I knew nothing of, termed “making love”! He wanted to reveal the reality of it’s beauty rather than letting me sit in the perversion of it. And it was there in that freedom that my behavior would instantly change...why??? Because His words had set my wounded heart free forever! So why is it that when we see a brother or sister failing or falling short that we call them out but leave an unfinished work? I mean we have no reservation in telling others what is off in there behavior but do we ever stand in front of them with a heart just as broken as theres is and lift the veil, and allow that the Lord would use us or whisper through us as we search along side these broken hearts for the reason why, the source from whence it came? The last time you looked on and criticized or made judgement of a woman for her immodesty did you ever stop to pray and ask the Lord to reveal to you or to her why she was choosing this way of behaving. The problem will never be healed and the behavior never changed until she sees the wound, the disfunction and understands there is another option; one of hope and freedom...This isn’t a debate issue for our church goers to feel righteous about, this is a heart issue among Christ followers who are still and always will be broken until the moment we sit before His throne! I am not saying that accountability and confrontation are wrong or bad, but I am saying those are only the beginning steps and they should never be taken unless we are willing to stand in the gap with this soul until the Lord helps them see what it is that their heart has settled for in place of His best. This is what love does, it sets us free! The freedom to stand with a child of God as He holds their heads up and eyes open until the walls fall down! We do not simply yell at the prisoners, hey guess what we can all see you are in prison! Instead we enter their prison for a moment and help tear down the walls. But you see we get so easily frustrated when the behavior doesn’t instantly reflect what we have just revealed to them, as if we thought telling them they were in prison would spark some sort of freedom! When they aren’t instantly eager to follow us in tearing down these walls we grow impatient because we are right after all!!! And more often than not we will leave them, give up on them and judge them further into their cell. I believe that the realty offends us that our informing others of their faults is not what does the healing here; oh we are so arrogant. It is Him alone that offers us a place to rest our weary feet on the narrow path. Him alone that offers us a glimpse of the light on the outside of our prison cells. So when we enter their cell should we not be in step with the Savior, Him going before us to search the heart that we will never be able to understand without Him!!! Delivering the words, the courage and the Love that is actually able to strip the mortar off the bricks that leave them trapped!  But often that is way more work than we are willing to do for our fellow prisoners of war; that is way too risky and painful! Ah but you see when we are set free ourselves then we can do nothing other than seek for the freedom of others. I remember a young woman who was ostracized in her church for dressing like a man, when the entire time not one stopped to investigate the why? You see, she was being abused sexually and was resorting to hide in her body and clothes as to no longer appeal to those that could potentially hurt her! But no one sat in prayer and fellowship long enough to see her prison and help tear it down. We all feel compelled in this story. But do you realize the girl who is dressing too provocative is doing the same thing, just in a different way! When was the last time you kept eye contact with her and asked the Lord to show you her wounded heart and asked her to share her story that you would enter her prison and begin to see life as she does. When you yourself are free, this is what you will do...long before you tell others or complain of her faults. You will see her wounds and desperately plea for the Lord to help heal them and you will sit with her reminding her of the freedom that awaits, not piling on the bricks that keep her captive. Everything we do comes from a source! Every decision we make stems from a origin! Every thought we think derives from a spring! This is true for all of us and the whole entire purpose of this life that you and I have been given, is to identify that source, that origin, that spring more and more as the One true living God, instead of the many options the enemy offers us daily!                                                                                                         But it is a process we are all still very much in...no matter our outward behaviors! Can we become free enough to accept this? Do we trust our God is big enough to do what He says He can? Will He set these captives free? I mean look around and if your eyes are wide open you know we are all in prisons of our own. Sometimes those prisons seem safer than the unknown outside world. But He comes to set us free!!! Yet without Love, there is no freedom...without Love there is nothing (1 Corinthians 13:1-3) Are you free enough to love like this? Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.  Everything Christ did for people was to set them free, not to keep them imprisoned and judged and sentenced again and again! May we become aware we are on a journey to help set people free from the tirade of the enemy; love is the best place to start, it is where Jesus is! John 8:31-32, 1 Peter 2:16, 2 Cor 3:17, Rom 8:20-21, Gal 5:13-14...so much talk of freedom in the scripture, may we each find our role as freedom seekers and freedom adventurers willing to sacrifice to see others set free! In the words of William Wallace....F R E E D O M!!! Rest In Him Fellow Freedom Adventurers...I love you!!!

The Problem with Passion

When This life gets to me, I'll be found on my knees.....                                                                 When my heart sinks heavy, I'll let you lift it for me.....                                                                                            Misunderstood....would be a great place to start! I feel like my whole life my heart has been misunderstood. I love to love! I want every person in every room I enter to know they matter, that they are special; that they are loved! I desire to share the Love God has given me with each and every soul He allows me to come near. He speaks to me and through me to help people look to Him, know they are loved and find healing. He’s created me to Love well.....and I thrive in its wake! I love to love......                                                                It’s as if the enemy knows precisely where to aim. It’s as if he knows exactly where the “ugly lie” is hidden and just lives to brush up against that wound again and again. Hoping to steal, kill or destroy your journey...And it is truly by the Grace of God that he is allowed to do so...because God knows there will be a moment when it is healed and the enemy can no longer carry any threat to your stance...God is working amidst the enemies attempts, He is setting you free. He is building your faith....and boy can it be painful....Yes God must hold us down sometimes to do the extraction!                                                                           So there I stand beneath the vast sky and the darkness of night and the echo of the words steal my breath. I heard nothing else after that moment, just felt the depth that it penetrated my heart, my mind and my soul....pain that wrapped around me and shattered my being for what seemed like the longest breath ever. Tears welled up from the deepest pit, out my wounded self and I held them back as the scream took center stage...”me again, this is my fault”. My actions and my honesty and my love are to blame for why a man can’t see my pure heart just waiting to be received. As if I’m the temptress just waiting to trick them into being distracted...really do I even possess this power that I so often get blamed for? And if I do, who has given me that authority? Is it all me? Do I have an ill heart and I’m just blind to it? Is my passion the problem? I stumble over the words, “It is not my heart to awaken feelings if it is not their time.” And the harsh response that says, “yeah well your actions say something else”...As if I acted alone to align the universe for this crossing of paths, or I awakened a sense of connection all by myself...I am not in control....am I? My leaning in to draw near to one of Gods creations makes me wrong, or to blame? I sit riddled with questions, but humbled nonetheless and crippled enough to know I have to weigh this before My Father. And so I do; I carry my broken self to the Throne and collapse for what seems like the millionth time this month and I beg to be unravelled, beg to be revealed to myself...what is mine to carry here Lord? Why did those words dig so deep that I couldn’t see straight? Why the intense anger that arose as they penetrated my ears and my heart? I know this space and I am aware that when I feel so much emotion from any mans words, especially when I do not even know how they were intended, the Lord is stirring beneath; inviting me to look...trying to tear the curtain and bring me near! So I peak in, terrified to see...but Grace welcomes me and flashes me back to the very first moment the enemy stole the truth and buried the lie into me! I was 8yrs old and a man that I had received as a father figure was stealing from me my innocence and he told me with his words, it was because of my beauty and because I was so full of life that this was happening....and every man there after would affirm the same thing...”You are a distraction and not a treasure. No man will ever see your heart...because your passion will blind them...” There it is, the “ugly lie” and here I am Trying to lie still and wait, as His mighty hand moves to finish the surgery I unexpectedly walked into. I cry and squirm but find the Truth....He says to me,”Sarah your passion is a gift, very few will know what to do with it! The enemy would love to convince you otherwise...twisting My gifts into faults. But this is not the Truth. The Truth is there is a man who is strong enough to harness your passion and let it burn as it was meant: to light the world on fire for Me! Your role is to keep the passion at rest until he comes for it....he will come! I’ve arrested his heart for you; because his heart is arrested for ME first and foremost, and therefore he will see you. Truly see you as you are; passionate and loyal, sincere and pure, surrendered and submissive, gentle and collected, whole and mine completely...He will see Me in you first!” I weep for this, “Yes Lord, I want that! I pray...teach me how to put my passion to rest until it is time, give me the wisdom and discipline I do not now possess in order to be still and wait! Give me the eyes to recognize Your will for each breath and each day! Let me pour passion on those who are ready to receive You and Your Mighty Word and Healing! Do not let the enemy continue to twist the Gifts You’ve put in me into weapons against me. Heal my heart from the lies, I know I am left without blemish or stain from those trespasses against me, but I beg You Lord, debride these wounds completely that they may heal completely! I will wait, I will lie still and rest in You while the pain is removed from my soul. I will trust Your work and believe You are good and this will indeed be what is best for me. Thank you Lord for taking the time to arrest my heart more fully to You! Thank you for making me able to reflect, for giving me the courage to follow You beneath the surface to see what is really happening. Forgive me for misusing any gifts if I have. Show me my errors and forgive me my sins. You are good....Amen” I freely share my life, my stories, my failures, my blessings...may you glean whatever the Holy Spirit

intends...thank you for walking this out with me brothers and sisters....Rest In Him Sarah G                                                                               ~Song of songs 2:7 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

Why Grace?

The last time I visited Grace with my written words, I didn’t understand it was just an intro into something that would dust up against my soul in many seasons and probably forevermore...bringing with it gusts of meaning that could only be used to enliven the Great Mystery of God to my frail eyes. Grace encompasses such a sweeping enigma for the human condition! The secrets of Living seem to be buried beneath the rubble of its very passage into our realm of reality! All the while with Grace perfectly intact, it is in that very rubble that beauty is found within the soul, that our bodies are filled with true Life and our minds welcome the revelation of Light. Grace has so many links in every part of our precious existence. It is the chain from which all life and meaning is held together and sustained; directly in the face of our limited awareness, our deafening blindness. Grace is woven throughout our experience, sprinkling our lives with concepts like acceptance, gratitude, joy, love, and peace. And paradoxically right along with all the afore mentioned, sprinkles of pain, discomfort, sadness, fear and loss. All of these, gifts worth unwrapping; feelings worth drawing in. Joy is always worth the wait, and fully living is always worth the believing that precedes it. Staying alert and awake to God in the moment allows Grace to awaken the joy and with it the pain. If we will not numb ourselves to this experience we will dance with Grace, even allowing it to lead. Truly living accepts both the good and bad and places them at the same seat of the Father...Grace! Jesus knew of the pain! It was written, it was lived, it was the Word, but it was also being seen through the lens of the God-Man. A lens that understood Gods Grace was laden upon these words “Surely, just as I have intended so it has happened, and just as I have planned it so it will stand.” Without God’s Word as a lens, the world warps our perception. So the idea remains, a good God who planned everything... Everything!?!? Let me try to put all these, as of yet, feeble thoughts and words together here...Grace is seeing that this very moment should be sipped of; we should drink the Light of the present into our beings, inhale the Sweet directly out of the now! Receive Joy through gratitude; because you see, we’ve seen His Grace today already within the very nature of our first inhale...but perhaps we missed it already as well, within the entitlement we feel for that very breath. Grace is learning how to open your hands each day for Gods daily bread, expectant and thankful for what He gives~even when you know its gonna hurt. Gods Grace is abundant, and an unbroken whole that both fills the home of a child saved, but also of a child lost. How can this be? Grace is that when you have waited and waited and waited and things did not turn out as you thought, your eye still gets caught on something more beautiful than you'd ever imagined and you breath of Life from that treasured instant! You become aware....Grace abounds! Our lives are not a series of Grace moments and Curse moments...its all Grace. Sometimes He has to hold us tightly in those painful moments like a terrified, hurt and flailing child just to breath Grace upon our ears “Are your ways My ways? Can you drink of My Cup and eat of My Manna? Can you believe that I tirelessly and tenderly work all for the very best good of the whole entire world, all of My Creation...to include you? Can you embrace that I do this because the flame of My Love for you can never ever be put out?” And with that you stop squirming and you relent and you find His gift in the passing day and as you wake the next morning you sigh, “He’s given me two, why am I allowed Two?” Grace is why! There is where we find the fullness of Grace; in His arms, turned towards Him...the emptiness exchanged with His presence, this begets Joy! All is Grace! And Our God chooses to cut into our ungrateful hearts to make us whole; He takes the very pain that He has given and shows us how to find beauty and thanksgiving in it. And this transforms the entire exchange into joy that fulfills all of our emptiness! May we drink the Sweet right out of our world, as it is...this very moment... As we are...this very moment...”My Grace is sufficient for you....”                                                                                                   Most of the time, our eyes are just bad ;) read Duet 32:39 NASB May the Word transfigure your sight...bringing a new perspective....receiving a new Grace! Rest In Him Beloved!

Joy in Uncertainty

“My soul does cry from the depths; my heart does sing before the thrown.Beneath this season of the Great unknown” ~me                                                            I can recall the simple way He showed me two months ago, on the eve that He would ask me to completely let go. I had drove out to the mountains to just be still with Him; to welcome the comfort that only He could give me...to seek the wisdom that I still had not known in the disarray of my circumstances....to come to grasp the peace that would replace what I was previously holding on to. And meet me He did, as always...Faithful beyond my capacity to comprehend. I jumped in my car after a long day of confused thoughts, heavy lies and tear stained cheeks; I was needing physical sustenance. I just stopped at the first place I found that I could eat and as I drove through to order and pick up my food I remember my plea clear as day...”Lord I do not understand any of this, but I know Your Love for me. Show me how to rest in Your plan here...How to find Your Loving arms and  bury my face and my heart into Your grasp. Show me whatever it is I need to see; reveal to me why You’ve drawn me to these mountains. For I am in a space of fear and doubt and I want to trust You...remind me how, Please Lord remind me how...” It was quick and it was intense as the words burned across my lips and out into the atmosphere, but none the less He was immediately there to capture the essence of my heart in this prayer! I remember glancing up briefly from my train of thought and noticing the motto of the place I was ordering from, printed on a placard before me “Get what you want, get what you need.” It caught my eye because at the moment I truly felt as if He was asking me to give sacrifice to that which I had wanted for many long years...but then the sweet whisper resounded in the deepest corner of my being “Sarah Not just what you want, but also what you need....this is My desire for you my precious one.” I let that soak for a moment and as I approached to window to receive my meal, I asked the young man standing there for some hot sauce, I quickly said “A lot please.”  I actually think I began to cry as I watched this young man continue to pile sauce into my bag, I mean so much that there was no human way possible for me to eat it or use it. And he was just so stinking happy to keep reaching down and placing handful after handful into my bag. But it’s what God was saying to me there that just wrecked my heart, “I’m going to give you so much more than you’ve even asked for Sarah. More than you ever imagined.” I remember smiling at the young man who was completely oblivious to the role he just played in Gods speaking to me...I knew he noticed the tears rolling down my face and I’m sure was confused by my extreme response of gratitude over hot sauce. I just smiled through the tears and said, “Thank you so much, you just helped make my night better.” I drove back to my room for the night and just kind of sat on the bed with all that hot sauce spread out as if I could roll in it...I know it seems silly but you see He has always talked to me through the common place things, the daily notions, the perfect people; used to reflect all His Love, Grace and Glory! So I sat and I rested in this sweet conception He had just set before me....my eyes grew heavy and all of me fell into that Love; my heart, my mind, my body and my soul....resting fully in a gift I could not completely wrap my awareness around! And I slept....with peace...held in His mighty arms...                                                                           As the next several months unraveled I’d like to say I grew more secure, strong and carefree in this wisdom...but instead I would face the Greatest unknowns I’d ever come to wrestle with. Just question after question as I watched His powerful Hand reveal truth in the very darkness I had been wondering. And often I didn’t even know what to do with it...I would just stand mind running, heart quivering, head shaking and soul seeking. I cannot think back on a time when I ever wept as long or as hard as I had in this season. I also don’t recall ever being met so Gracefully again and again and again by Father as I wrestled with it all. The cost felt too much for me yet it was exactly what I needed spent in order to know Him more deeply, more assuredly, more completely in these moments; this was a truth He wanted to last forevermore within my very nature. But it was going to be a hard process to sink it in. So many moments of perfect clarity swept away by insane emotion...all of it remains a simple lack of trust, a lack He knew was hiding there in the very tender space of my heart and so He would offer me trust in a way I wasn’t necessarily welcome to receiving it...in the Uncertainty! I don’t know how many times over the last few weeks I have heard myself say to others; I just have no idea what God is going to do here. I cannot see at all which direction He will take this. nothing aligned well enough in my own cognition to give a clear route....it was as if puzzle pieces had just rained down and I was finding them everywhere; I knew they all went together but had no idea of what the picture would look like or how the pieces even fit. And yet everyday He was kind enough to show me another piece and to give me my task, the one focus He wanted me to have. How He wanted me to pray, what He wanted me to build and of course who and how He wanted me to love. I guess I just didn’t realize how hard it would be for me to follow through on those things. My heart fluttered beneath the weight every several days and I would crumble once more into His arms and He would say something only He knew to stay to strengthen and encourage my heart once more. It was the place I’d been so many times before and it is a beautiful place of daily learning to exchange all my burdens with all His Grace. But it remains an uncertain place...a place where if I allow my mind to wonder I end up terrified and in pain. It’s the hallway...He’s closing a door behind me but has yet to open another and He wants to gift me here, I feel it....but I just haven’t learned how to praise Him in the hallway...where I must wait once more! I know He wants to offer me a sweet kiss in the moment; one that showers Joy upon every fiber of my being, I simply haven’t learned to receive it yet....How to stand in such vast uncertainty, tainted with extremely painful moments and just praise Him, and wait for the absolute best ending to all of this....the one that goes beyond that which I can imagine at the very fullest level of my creativity! Today may be the very first day that I can see....the waiting will be worth it even if I do not understand a single piece of what the puzzle is going to become; I am certain it will be the most glorious image I have ever seen....because it is His!!! Rest In Him sweet souls...know that the unknown was meant to be enjoyed and not feared....meet Him there and let Him show you The Way...the One, True, Faithful, Perfect Way! Love you all....sincerely, waiting and learning to praise Him in the hallway!

Three Noises we hear...

The Whisper of Fear
It never arrives as an obvious scream, but instead its just a subtle breeze that begins to whisper and quietly brushes across our tattered hearts leaving remnants of its intentions in every open crevice. Sometimes we recognize it for exactly what it is, but more times than not we are allured by its charm, seduced by its clever approach, confused by its message. How can fear find its way so deeply into our thoughts, our hearts, our souls? It erodes any Truth, or Trust that we have somehow mustered up in our half hearted efforts. It tears down what we think we know and towers over us with shadows of cold gloomy despair. But we are not a creation marked for fear; tho I believe this with all of my soul, I find that until I am willing to stand in the very face of that fear I am no match to its cunning ways. I cannot run fast enough, or hide deep enough, or fade away into the distant backdrop hoping it will not find me; hoping it will forget its very task of robbing me of my hope this day! No I must stand nostril to nostril with it, as its breath torments every fiber of my being...

The Murmur of Pain
Oh but this one you often see coming. You feel its approach from deep within your belly. You know when you are standing on the edge and you realize you typically respond one of two ways; you run with all you have away from its hold, out of its grasp, from under its weight..you distract and you stuff and you deny the cries from your aching soul. Or you stand right in the center, still and uncertain and often shaking; you welcome it and you wait! Its heavy there, often perplexing to the mind and heart. It approaches those old wounds with familiar lies and tempts your soul to lose sight of all hope. It drains your spirit and leaves you alone to witness to yourself; which is often the most unreliable source to go to in a time like this! It seems as if it will last forever and your eyes grow ever tired as they strain to see the light at the end. Your reason is no use here...but your pride finds its way in, to convince your heart and your mind not to feel its honest sentiment of hurt, disappointment, confusion; to deny the pain ever to exist at all...Pride directs you right out of the center and back into the very vortex which created the pain to begin with...how clever are you pride to set yourself up against this material that would grow, shape, heal and free us...

The Voice of Love
Oh sweet and precious child of mine, it is when you are afraid that you usually seek to find Me if you seek anything at all. Fear is your enemy, but Love casts it out. So when you seek Me I come and I revel in our time together. I fill you with strength and courage, integrity and wisdom, and I warn you of danger; but you are free of fear in this space...in this awareness, it has no hold on you! You slip through its fingers and find you have nothing at all to fear! You learn to look into My eyes deeply and assuredly. You learn to hold My hands tightly, placing your fragile life into My grasp! You wrap My neck in both of your arms and burry your head in My chest. My Spirit pours out all over you and you know once more....You are Mine and you have nothing to fear. You surrender....I deliver and you are set free.
The pain is such a different encounter for us, you see much like a wounded small child will climb into their parents lap and sit for hours as they are comforted by their love...so you are with Me when you get hurt. I cherish these moments of Union with you My beloved. They are so few and far between in this part of your life, that I allow them to come and sometimes to last simply because I know that this exchange is precious and pure and what I long to have with you always; yet it seems only here in the center do you see how much you have need of My lap, of My gaze and of My comfort. Do not grow confused, I love to laugh with you and sing praise with you. But truly it is here in the darkness that you begin to see My Face and long for My Will; our communion is sweetest in the center of your pain. My heart sings when you trust me like this; when you draw even deeper into Me when nothing else is making sense. I know you understand My Love in these moments; because this is what Love does, it leans in harder and deeper than it ever knew was possible and it holds on to Me, I Am Love....nothing else seems to matter in those moments. Have you not yet noticed? Nothing else will truly satisfy you in those moments. Have you not yet noticed?
These seasons, they shall pass....but you will never leave the awareness of My presence unchanged. It is in pain and fear that you learn nothing else will deliver you but My Love. So yes dear one it may last another day longer, but please lean in deeper; this exchange will satisfy your soul more profoundly and endure longer than any solution you can contrive of or any distraction you can create. I made you to commune with Me, and often it is only here that you come. I know it doesn't cure the pain just yet, but isn't it beautiful that we get to sit wrapped in each others arms just a moment longer...I see in you here, that you know I know you better than you know yourself...I see in you here, belief and faith and trust in their most powerful and pure forms. It is a Joy for me to hold you and I cherish every breath you offer in My arms; nothing can get you here....surrender and I will deliver you beloved...

Why Write....

I believe writing is a gift! I believe it is a freedom! I believe it is a necessity...well at least for me! I have always been three things for sure, one is a lover, two is a healer and three is a writer. You see I find the first two a beautiful expression of the offering of myself to the Lord and the world around me, but the third, well I often notice it’s for me. Don’t get me wrong, it is still very much a gift and I know God uses it and speaks through it; but I also know deep within my innermost parts it is when I settle in to write that my soul truly finds communion with Him. Much like yoga, for me, it is a clear space of tethering my soul back to the Source and filling up on His Love and His Presence! So join me this morning as I reminisce on why I write! 
    That beauty that grows beneath the shadows of our outer realm can be so creatively expressed through so many different ways. He is an artist indeed. The Artist, after all; I suppose we shouldn’t expect any less. But just gander around and see the creative beauty that wells up from each man’s soul. The music, the art, the logic, the invention, the creativity, the compassion, the service, the selflessness, the poems, the stories, the written words that come alive from man made pages...God is so sweetly portrayed throughout all of His design. I suppose this awareness also reveals why and how I am a lover. I see things in people that they rarely see in themselves. I see their hearts, I see their potential, I see Him; His brilliant design upon each fiber of their being. And I simply revel in it! I need more of Him, we all do. I guess I’ve just learned to recognize that the parts I need the see of the Great Mystery, are right there cleverly hidden beneath the surface of mankind.. And what a wonder it is!
      The sorrow that often accompanies that beauty is the space that His healing has yet to touch. I see that too! I read the hearts and see the wounds. I never really could understand why God gave me this gift, but as a child it was purely expressed through unconditional love and forgiveness of those who terribly trespassed upon my story. I had a very keen awareness that my own survival would hinge on my compass to find the beauty in all creations and then offer love and forgiveness in undeserved capacities. Rarely do I find that when I gaze into the eyes of another, that they do not know they are loved, no matter the context of the exchange...I think their heart sees mine and knows of the stories that the pain, sorrow, suffering, surrender and survival all tell. They know they are safe and they are loved...They are free to let their light shine and push out the shadows. It creates a space to listen and to heal; to wonder and to rest. To unburden and to unwind. To dream and to reminisce. To find freedom and to break the chains. WE all need these moment with one another. It is a beautiful exchange!
     The writer....well she is the one that sits down and finds that after a day of one unrelenting disappointment after another, there is still life in these bones and hope just dripping from her fingers as she longs to write and to commune once more with the Spirit. She sees this entire journey as a magnificent all encompassing adventure...so much to see and so much to share...if there’s is life in this body there will be stories to tell and words to write upon the hearts that He so desires to find these rambling little notes of a girl madly in love with her Creator....may a season well up in me of writing these stories down and sharing my heart once more...may we all be so brave as to accept whatever creativity He has weaved unto our souls and share unashamedly with each other...you are a masterpiece and have immeasurably more to offer this life than you begin to know! So I shall write....until I can no longer...

To write again...

Writing is a gift for me....just the rantings of my soul poured out onto the fibers of the paper....the Truth as I come to know it, live it, experience it; transpired into words drawn from my fingers and left on the page to be as they will....Echoes of stories told within my soul! Sometimes it is nonsense and sometimes perfect sense....so please enjoy the tattered letters as they befall over these pages bound together in humility:

Lord, I realized today that I still draw quickly from the safety and sanctity of Our Conversations into the exchange of words that unchanged hearts offer. Surrender the teacher in me~blow my mind and may I simply learn stillness with my eyes wide open...

Let my thought fade
As I lie open hearted before You
May You peel back the layers that have hardened
And expose the heart of flesh You breathed into me upon creation
Quiet my mind~this is a heart matter
Free my Spirit to find depth beyond my comprehension
Beginning each day with open hands, open heart and open mind
Faith is being poured out into this portion of my life
It offers You to work Your ways into all of my circumstances
Learning to live within the boundaries of the Present
This is where You are~finding Joy, Peace and Love there
You are only giving my human frailty a day at a time, a step at a time, a breath at a time
And so I will linger in the Cleave of Your Mighty Hand
Waiting to see the Good You will bring from this cup of trial You have passed unto me...
Lord hear my cry and deliver my heart exactly where You desire...
Your will be done!