As I stood in the kitchen at my sink this late afternoon, I felt the sun peeking over the top of the house next door; its radiance poured out over me and I felt loved. Not in a way words could explain, but in a familiar fashion that only the heart can translate. The whisper of wind floating in the trees as I looked out and saw with certainty that You’re not finished yet with this situation; as of now I must accept that Your word still stands. I heard You speak and yet I have doubted and argued and fought those words with each glimpse of their impossibility. But I always end up here...sure that this is what I was told. So even as my soul screams for freedom from the vow I’ve taken to believe, indeed I must do just that! Not just to believe where it’s easy or for what I chose, but to believe in things I do not find happiness or understanding. And the sunlight catches my eye once more and I am taken by the sheer joy Your presence brings me. This is life as You meant it! If only I could stay here all the days and simply forget what awaits my emotions as the world around me finds it way back into my consciousness. For it was just the other day I sat with You and a friend on that beautiful green sofa and cried bitter tears of anguish and called out to You, “I need You to cut this string or secure it with two others; that it may not be easily broken. I am not strong enough, alone, to carry the weight of what I have been asked. My mind is tortured as I watch the charade being bought and sold, time and time again. As if we are all blind and dumb to the truth. I just want to be set free from the tie that binds my soul to those words I heard You speak so clearly.” My cries went on, “Father, have I not done all that You have asked, do I not live in Your presence and for Your story? Then please show me; release me from this! Tell me I was wrong, my pride does not find a purpose here; being wrong would cost me less. I need Your peace to leave and I beg You, relentlessly, to set me free.” And so it began, You answered my prayer with two more strings. I may never know this side of Heaven why You told me these words but I know I trust Your wisdom in the matter and just ask that You would Hold me close and bring me more of You. My understanding is not like Yours and I long to find You in every breath my lungs inhale. So if I must stay here longer, then I beg Your presence becomes overwhelming and my intimacy with You contented; that I may know You more. It is in this moment in the sun that I see Your answers.....The words exchanged before my ears so that I may hear and listen again. The dreams that haunt my sleep that I may rise and pray again. The strength that is passed to me from your precious flock that I may speak and believe again....and so once more I will stand and I will believe! With no agenda, with no desired outcome, with nothing to gain or lose...just a dependency on You that will survive whichever outcome lays in store!
It wasn’t until I sat down to write that I began to recognize the inspiration our window exchange had left me with.....I walked away lead to create and as I sat it all just began to flow, much like when We write together Lord. It came quickly and naturally. As I spelled out BELIEVE and painted it onto the canvas, I saw I had no room left for the final “E”. Right there in the panic of how to salvage all that had already been put into this creation, a masterpiece was birthed. In my miscalculation of the edge, I began to see something there in this work of art that I had neither planned nor anticipated. I thought it was over and instead it was just beginning. Here is what was made....
Something beautiful always happens when we are willing to Believe....
