Becoming aware of Your Presence; Experiencing Your Glory.....

This is the story I desperately wish I had the words to tell....not just once but over and over and over again! My truest, purest desire and deepest weakness draw from the same source of mystery. I see that experiencing You Lord, is the only way to turn from all of the other experiences, in order to find the Grace and the Truth buried beneath the depth of what we previously thought was going on....what we previously credited as reality. The place where, if we are honest, most of us exist for most of our existence. An existence that is shattered when we are confronted by You Lord. But only in that occurrence does this hold True; it is only there that we See and find ourself free to Receive. Which begs the question, that I pray mercifully when I am in the presence of man...”God when will they get to experience You?” As I listen to them portray their stories, I hear the longing in their voice to Know You, and by Know I mean the deepest experience of You. Not just the stories told of You Lord, but the sweet exchange of Your presence for all their brokenness. The point where they see You; truly See You. The space between where the Spirit dwells and we find ourselves loved and free and new and different. It is Your work that does this and not our own. But as I stand and watch, my eyes are blurry with tears because I do not understand why You wait a lifetime with some and a breath with others. I want to weep for us all; not with pride or arrogance but with deep mourning. With words I do not understand. With cries that even my heart cannot translate. With emotions only the Spirit grasps. As I explore Your story, I make sense of how much we have to be taught before we are ready to See. And it is here where I fall, where I grow weary and get so frustrated. I want them to See You, because I know the Power of this. But for reasons in which I still cannot See, myself, it is not yet their time. For You know when we are ready to See You; any time before this is futile. So we wait upon the Wind; the Holy Spirit to move and to give sight to the Blind. I stood today in that final song of Worship losing control of every emotion as the words left my lips “Let us become more aware of Your Presence, Let us experience the Glory of Your Goodness”  Yes, yes, yes!!! And this became my prayer! One that stripped away every prideful thought of what I think we need. One that left me raw and humbled to lift us all, myself included, into this conversation. Because this is the Only thing that matters, the Only Truth that works, the Only Capacity for transformation, the Only....Most beautiful, Most precious, Most free moment of our existence here on earth.....Your Presence!
   ...It penetrates, goes deep into our character; And when it gets there it heals, restores and redeems us. May I always suffer from such humility...that I remember when I stand before man, You and You alone are their Savior. Let us become more aware of Your presence....and please, please let us EXPERIENCE the Glory and the Truth of Your goodness Lord! I cannot find the words even to express the longing I have....Lord teach me.....Holy Spirit You are welcome here!

This is your journey....

We are all weaved into the tapestry of Grace; every thread finding its strength in being  connected to God and to one another. Meant to become a cloth of Grand design that displays His Magnificence! Revealing that there is no perfect story or ideal relationship; just a conglomeration of stories and relationships woven along side the Scarlet Thread. The very Thread that was sent by the Father in order that all the other thread could encounter their purpose and know their dignified worth in the hands of the Weaver. I start here simply to usher you into the sharing of my journey, the parts of my story that I see Jesus tattooed all over. It had been a rough finish to the end of last year. So many changes and losses along the way; and the last three months proved to be the hardest on my spirit...I simply had found myself unmotivated and passionless...uncertain of how I ended up here on the journey and feeling, honestly, as if I had failed. People were constantly asking how the ministry was doing and I could not seem to find an answer that was even satisfying to me; I mean I was seeing God work day in and day out but I just couldn’t see any vision, nor could I recognize my purpose in it all anymore. I entered the new year in a fast and also joining women and men around the world for ONEness Prayer through my Holy Yoga team. Which was great and had started to revive my heart! But it also began to highlight what I felt were my failures. All of the sudden I stood looking around at all of these magnificent creations and all that they were doing and being used for; though I found plenty of room to celebrate with them, I also felt the tug to look at my own situation and feel a bit unsure...to feel a bit small! To analyze whether I was doing enough, whether I was being complacent, whether I was still on the path He wanted! But honestly there I stood immersed in what I loved and pouring into the lives of those precious few God had entrusted me, as He entrusted them... But with whatever lens I was peering through in that moment, I only saw that which subtly eluded that I was not able to do all that I thought I should be doing! As I write the statement I see the Truth trying to capture my attention, but all I felt was that I was not able and those words held a powerful sting. Perhaps I should finish the story as it played out.....So it is week two of the fast and I am invited by a student of my Holy Yoga classes in Edmond to come to her church and share the gift of Holy Yoga with a group of women. I had surrendered to His guidance for this group and trusted He would lead each wherever they needed to go; of course He did! But prior to walking in the doors of that church I had sat in my car asking God once more for the things I had entered my fast seeking. “Lord revive my passion and show me that this is still Our adventure; that there is more to it than this!” I needed to see once more, what all of this was about and mostly what I was doing here, smack dab in the center of it! I was an hour early and just sat in my car talking with Him about the things that were heavy on my heart; about the questions, the doubts, the uncertainties, the feeling insignificant in my own journey..... when oddly the random thought entered my head to go get a pack of gum. Knowing this was outside my fast, I tried to talk myself out of it when I heard God say, “that’s not your battle, go get the gum.” So I drive over to the gas station, getting out to take a gander at the ridiculous assortment of gum available to a person. I find the one I want, I pay and go back to the comfort of my car. As I opened the cover I noticed one of those QR (quick response) codes in the top right of the flap, and as I scanned my eyes across it I quickly understood there was no possible way of me understanding this code. Even if I could scan it, I would only be taken to the place it wanted to lead me. But it did not take the time to reveal the entire journey in which I had to travel to get there. Even the program and equipment that could read these scans would not be able to put what the code meant into terms that I could understand. Even if it tried explaining it I would not be able to understand the language it would have to use in order to establish what was really going on amongst all those dots, lines and boxes. But I did understand that every code was unique; every code distinctly different. But what really captured my attention were the words that had been printed on the left side of the code. In bold white letters “This is your journey”! I truly wasn’t sure why yet but the words grabbed me, and I felt a leap deep inside my spirit. I knew to pay attention. As I went through the teaching that night I loved how God led and how my confidence in myself lacked; somewhere in that exchange is where I always know God is working! I fade away and every heart in the room is offered a pure opportunity to soak in His presence and hear whatever it is He wants to reveal. Eyes are always closed so no one is looking at or to me for revelation. I am simply the facilitator for the moment; God is the revealer, counselor, transformer, comforter, and friend! It was a beautiful practice and His presence was known. After I stepped away from the stage, another woman (oddly enough named Sarah) stepped up to share some of her story with us. As the words left her mouth, I began to understand the bold White words that had grabbed me earlier in the evening. With simplicity she started her story and then sighed, paused and said, “Before I get too far into this I have to say, “This is my journey, each of you in this room have your own journeys; each one significant, each one relevant.” It hits me right there what God is trying to offer me. It was so simple, so true and not even brand new information; just now revelation came along with it. My mind raced through what this meant. You mean this is my journey and I should be celebrating it, not comparing it? This is my journey and I should be filled with excitement for what is to come, not with dread for what is yet to be done? So let me get this right God, if You wanted me to speak in front of gobs of people, I would be? If You wanted me to be a famous artist, I would be? If You wanted me to be the author that I think I should be, I would be? Even more, all this could be happening tomorrow for all I know?  I cannot understand the entirety of this journey but what I can rest in is that You are the author and You are getting me where I am supposed to end up? So I can rest? I can enjoy right now, these precious moments of being Davyn’s mommy? Of being a Holy Yoga instructor to a small group of amazing people? Of being an average PTA president at the school down the street from my house? Of being a friend and a counselor? Of just being me? I don’t have to find more in order to be significant? I don’t have to work harder to make the ministry You gave me look like or act like the world thinks it should be? You mean, truly this is enough? This is my journey??? Oh how marvelous I felt. How free! How safe! How certain that I was loved! 

Every fiber of our journey, even the broken, tattered and worn down parts are interlaced together to make a thread; one that when joined and woven together with other threads creates a whole picture. Every thread bearing the dignity of its Designer. Every thread necessary in order to define the Masterpiece. Every thread different. Do you see? We are the tapestry. Our journeys are different because they must be in order to bear the Truth of God. Parts of the story just aren’t enough. The dirtiest, most dreadful piece of thread, still has it’s place in the tapestry! Everything matters! The good, the bad, the disturbing parts of your journey....they matter! The colorful and the dull parts matter. The dark and the light. The new and the old. The forgotten and remembered. The healing and the sickness. The wealth and the poverty. The hunger and the thirst. The big picture just isn’t complete without your part, no matter how significant you or the world interprets that part to be! We cannot understand the code, and we cannot decide what is truly valuable to the code. Only He can! I wish I had a picture of what the final tapestry looks like. I bet it is breathtaking! I bet the Scarlet Thread touches every thread on the tapestry at some point or another; bringing with it Passion and Potential and Dignity and Worth. All this to say......THIS IS YOUR JOURNEY....NOW GO LIVE IT!!!! REST IN HIM