Journal entry 13 October 2010

I cannot walk away from what I've been told Father, but many days I cannot walk in it either. Perhaps I forget that you are there holding me and walking on my behalf.




As I learn to breath more deeply of You, I expect much of what I think will fall away; that truth will engage my eyes and all doubt will wither into nothingness. That I will remain safe in your arms and comforted by Your Words.





Somedays I wish I could just sit silently among Your creation and just watch as You watch and enjoy each person with every single detail in perfect view; that I may learn one day to love as You do.....My heart cries out for this freedom; the freedom to love--- I am dying to live like this and to love like this!





In that harmony and rhythm with the Three; to ebb and flow with Wisdom, Love and Peace. To offer these gifts freely to any of those who would come forward to drink...well even more to those who sink back in the shadows, to find them with such a love that they too would thirst and drink...



In order to follow Your will I must inquire of You what that is... Lord humbly I pray that You nudge my mind into this concept becoming natural to me; the tool that I would reach for in every moment. May hope arise and may my eyes see... May I never leave Your presence, not for one breath! May I never forget to let You walk with me! And so I come before You with each moment and quietly I will ask, again and again, will You walk with me, Father?



Guide my soul, let my fingers, eyes, lips, heart and mind become a symphany of Your will. May I be so bold to ask that You shall direct them all; that I may rest in the rhythm of the Three.



Free me even and mostly of myself, and of the desire to orchestrate music all of my own; without Your hand.



Let my soul respond to Your harmony alone! Just as gentle fingers lie weight upon the ivory keys and beauty is born or as the strings of this guitar resonate with the pure sound of love. It is Your song after all.....



May my days be lived out of this sound rising from deep within my soul- Your perfect melody Lord...this submitted heart doth play on, for music would be nonsense if it was not for You---- Thank You Lord!

What are you?

We live in a world where the term christian does not necessarily give a positive feeling to those who hear it! Now for those who call themselves christians, well they are fine with it; and they believe it has merit and value. But I can’t help but wonder why this noun has caused so much stir, and so much negative feeling…. Funny really, when you think about it! I mean do any of us know the very first time this word was used; the history of the term? I mean, where did it come from? Why do we use it? Well I wanted to know, so I checked and here is what God showed me!


In Luke 14:26 the term appears for the very first time… “The disciples were called Christians first at Antioch.” So the first people to identify these followers of Christ as Christians were outsiders; people who did not know their stories, had never shared in a relationship, and did not understand the God they served! And realistically the term still fits, doesn’t it? When people speak about those who they believe follow the ways or teaching of Christ, they typically refer to them as Christians; many times without an understanding for who they are, how they live, or even what they believe. And certainly without grasping onto to the true relationship that Jesus beckons each of His followers into. Whenever I want to explain who I am to those who may or may not believe I use the term christian; as if to claim that I am different than others! When the reality is, that knowing Christ and being in a friendship with Him should not demand a title, but instead should be evident from the love they know in my presence and from the encouragement that parts my lips. Perhaps that won’t make sense to an unbelieving world; the idea of simply loving them and not trying to be right; not trying to point out and explain your differences! You may be asking does it really matter what you call yourself. Perhaps not if you are standing among a group of people who believe as you do and who live as you do, but to outsiders it may very well be the determining factor in whether they feel safe with you, accepted by you or able to befriend you. When you think about it, the term is almost used to divide us; to set us apart. Why, even my spell check deems it an important term, as it highlights it in red to be capitalized; trying to set it apart from the many other words that color this page. The very words that are necessary for this story to be written! The word cries out to be separated, but the vision of Jesus was to unite us! Tragically, we have been acting set apart for far too long; and we seem not to be doing that great of a job, nor are we being an inviting place for those who are searching to come find rest. We are just those christians over there doing our own thing! Folks, this is according to the statistics, not just my thoughts on paper! Many are seeing us as people who have been set apart, but not in a good way; as a group that has no room for them and their differences, their opinions, their failures, or their faults!

Here comes the gut wrenching question… Take an inventory of your friends, how many are not like you? How many do not believe? How many live an addicted lifestyle? How many are prostitutes? How many are homeless? How many are gay? How many are thieves? How many are sick? I am not talking about people you know or people you may have prayed for once or twice; I mean truly your friends! How many?

I know when God asked me this the other day I wanted to cry; because if I answered honestly, there were only a few over the years. I have never turned anyone away, but I also have not gone out seeking these sorts of friends! And painfully when Jesus befriended me, I was one of these; oh how quickly I had forgotten how He came for me and how much I needed Him to. There are people in your story that need to be come after and I would challenge that the main reason we do not have a multitude of friends like these is because we are afraid. We approach them as needing to be fixed; we feel like we must meet all their needs and have all of the answers in order for them to trust the Jesus we serve. We think we have to do the christian thing, as if their eternity is hinging on our ability to make God seem apealing. Instead of simply coming along side them, as Jesus would, where they stand, and offering them the simple, free gift of friendship. Walking with them on the journey they are on, not trying to force them onto our path. Learning from and teaching along the way; supporting one another and leaving the transformation part up to Jesus! This is how Jesus has said we would be set apart; this is where He urges us to be more than just His friend, but His disciple.

John 13:35 “By this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

We are relational beings; we all want to be a part of something bigger. We all seek purpose and destiny. We all have this in common and we all can offer this opportunity to one another in friendship. It is a free, beautiful and perfect offering! Share your life, your love and your God with a world who needs to see unification!!

Warning!!!! You may get hurt, you may be rejected, you may even be betrayed; but the beauty lies in understanding your own relationship with Christ; in understanding His unconditional love for us. That we may give up our right to ourselves; that we may accept his will above our own rationalization or our account of how we deserve to be vindicated! That we may give up on how it is below our dignity to serve someone who has treated us poorly. That we may say once and for all I am truly Yours, Lord! I can lay myself down and pick up the cross…..

Your will be done!

Your love be known!

Whatever the cost to me and my own!

Journal entry 12 August 2010

A poetic plea for today….

For even now, when I truly don’t understand why You have requested of me what You have…

I know that it is indeed what You have asked!

I know that You love me and I know that You know what You are doing.

I know that You love me and I know that You promised that this will all be for the best.

And so I wish my flesh would just fall away and that I could find the beauty in all of this pain!

That my tears would stop cursing what so rightfully was done.

I accepted the task just as You knew that I would and I rely on the knowledge that Your strength will see me through.

Because as I look on, from where I now stand, it feels as though it was all for nothing…

But I humbly return to what You have promised; that Your Will ultimately prevails.

Because I cannot know Your thoughts or Your ways in matters such as these.

And much like betrayal does, it elicits the weakness of the former me

But the battle was marked with a kiss and I am filled with desire

Victory will soon come as I continue to reach for Your hand on the other side of this Fire…

Rest In the Arms of Love

11 August 2010

I guess today I just wonder why my sleep is troubled with dreams of the same nonsense I could occupy my mind with all day long. In my sleep I think I forget You are still present; as so many of my moments of the day do the same! My heart is torn…I know that I am beginning to love as You have asked Father, I know because it is despite myself that I see and trust in You as the final Author of all the plans of every man’s life. This is Love! That I can stand by and allow people to make wrong choices and indulge in their false selves and meanwhile remain beside the door of who they truly are waiting for them to arrive and step into that identity; always centering in on the true person underneath the façade and beneath all of the uncertainty. This is Love! That I am allowed see what is broken in people and I am willing to partake in the sweet offering of anything that You gave me to help them grow closer to You. This is Love…and I love people, and when I don’t…it pains me. When I cannot put myself aside! When I cannot remove the hurt or erase a trespass someone has committed against me! When I cannot unknow what I think I know about them in order to love them anew each day; to appreciate who they are becoming, at Your Hand, in this very moment! When I cannot love, it torments me! It robs my mind of peace and I ruminate on Your Love for me and how in so many instances I fall short of returning that act of kindness. I have never been able to stand the loss of harmony; not even before I knew You knew me. It is a gift, a desire You have placed so deep into my heart that even when I did not understand the raw nature of Your love, I was compelled from the depth of my being to offer grace and strive for love towards others! It has been my fight and I anticipate that it always will be. Love embarks on a journey of healing and healing is what Your Son came to offer throughout His journey. And I am honored to be invited into the freedom to love. And I am challenged by it. I long to reach the point where I can love free of myself…and it is a work in progress…that I thank You for…and as I fade…You transfigure within me! Lord please do not stop teaching me how You love and please free up those places in me that are still rebelling against this call! I desperately need You to show me how; I know You will and I am grateful….may I rest in Your arms as I close my eyes this night. Amen

Time after Time....

As I sit before this computer asking God to guide my hands as I write, I realize it is surrender that I am truly after…..


Over the years many things have all fallen into the background of this new reality. I used to believe that I would always be slave to what people thought of me; that I would always be bound to the world’s view of success. I have lost sight of this now, but I see that being free from others is a first step in a process of surrender. I am now faced with freedom from myself, from my own take on things, from my fears and my doubts, from my preconceived notions and painful regrets, from the business I fill my day with to the things I give priority; free to be surrendered only to His voice alone, to receive His guidance. Though many moments elude me, as I grasp for such incidence, it is my goal to stay tuned with His heart and His whisper as He guides my soul to be completely aware and awakened, as never before, to His unbroken presence. I find myself captivated by these moments, so much so that I never want to leave. All else fades away and I see as He would have me see; I see men as His beautiful creation, each one a miracle to be marveled upon. I see the tree sway outside of the window as the sun sheds its rays upon the whispering leaves; I see majesty and creativity. I see transparency as a gift that should be offered even to a stranger, because small talk is pointless. I see purity in the hearts and minds of children as they play with no regard for the prison we call time. Honestly, time seems to stop…but when I glance down only a few moments on the wretched face of the clock have turned. I wish to simply stay so engulfed in His love that time, as we declare it, becomes irrelevant. That it vanishes and falls desperately short…and all that rules is the divine encounter of God. That sitting at His feet or in His arms was a priority to the start of any day; that nothing would be worth doing without first knowing His company beside us as we step into the other reality we are called to remain in... Truly I offer to all of you this one thought, that once the desire has been lit, you will no longer want to part from the truth and the pure beauty you are introduced to when He comes near. How could we ever find life like this in any other consciousness?

I read a scripture this morning and as I ponder, before His eyes, what exactly it means I feel different. I feel every fiber of my body; I have become keenly aware of all of my senses. I feel overwhelmed and thankful for Gods creativity in making me, in making all of us; Just having the moment to feel, to breathe, to know He made me is a wonder. It makes my body tingle; recognizing that every detail of me is Gods design. Nothing of me is like any other. And so the old reality comes forward in my thought and I am saddened by the notion that so many of us compare ourselves to others when we are so lovingly intended to be just us; The “us” that God breathed into existence. Honestly many thoughts have crossed my path where I believed I was small because of the way God made another; and haven’t we all felt this? Haven’t we all compared ourselves to the intellect, the beauty, the courage, the ambition, or simply the journey of another? Perhaps this is why He longs to meet with us so often; to remind us to see what miracles we all are. Perhaps this is the freedom from ourselves we must pursue! It becomes increasingly hard to appreciate Gods masterpiece if we are constantly consumed with our differences. How can we truly love each other if we do not see how loved we are through our very own amazing design? But when we know the presence of Him we are free to see His work without having to consider to our own worth, because we are assured of His love. We are basking in it!

So the scripture read, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the Glory of God.” 1Cor 10:31

And so it read to me, do all things with the awareness that God is there….that He is with us; the greatest Glory of God being His willing and constant presence in our lives.

Have you ever truly tried to drink or eat with the consciousness of God? Try it! Really, right now! Try to drink something while thinking of God, you will find that it comes alive. The flavors and the smells become manifestations of Christ, you find yourself desperately aware of what you are bringing into the temple and deeply appreciative for whatever it is that parts your lips. Now imagine if you could do this all day, in every moment, with every breath…..it changes things doesn’t it? Wouldn’t your senses become more in tune to truth? Wouldn’t your eyes see brothers and sisters all around? Wouldn’t your intentions come alive with passion and vision like none other? Wouldn’t your thoughts remain pure and full of hope? Wouldn’t your hands appreciate the ability to feel and your ears the ability to hear all of His celestial artistry? Wouldn’t your heart fall in love again and again in correlation with the moments you called Him into conscious presence in your day? Wouldn’t you be free? Wouldn’t you be surrendered to His will? I cannot direct any of you, but I would pray that each of you sincerely attempts to practice the presence of God in every moment, and I believe you will come to know a reality worth staying in forevermore…. I love you!

Archives

These are from a year ago, but now is the time to post...lots of transparency! Watch part one first and then so on, I had to break them up to post it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uErDZkCgSXY




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Txu2rs6EEkA



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qApgiIMjHc

Seven Stories in Seven Days

Itroducing our Administrator

Intro #1

Our Beginnings

When the Lord called me out to sell all my possessions and travel around the US by car and then into the homes of many, I had no idea of the vision he was setting me up for. I have been counseling for over three (3) years, and typically my clients and I met in neutral settings and discussed the current distresses that were of comfort for that individual to reveal; but what I found out during my travels was that when entering into the homes of others, the walls came crashing down and we were left with the raw issues. Transparency became natural; it is hard to hide when you were living amongst one another. Thus the vision was birthed, a retreat home were families, couples and individuals could come live free of charge for seven (7) days and gain a hands on approach to finding wholeness. Meanwhile the Lord was also building up an amazing team of women who would join forces to see this vision through. Our staff and volunteers will be able to work through, alongside the attendees, minute by minute those issues that are standing in their way of unwavering wholeness. We will supply every person, who is willing to receive it, the tools necessary to find and maintain whole health for mind, body, and soul.

We will start out with one home located in Oklahoma with the vision to expand out worldwide. We hope to encourage our guest to take what they have learned while with us and offer it to any person, family or couple that they believe can gain wholeness through it. The first home will be large enough to house six (6) individual guests or three (3) families/couples for a seven day stay. For the individual guests there will be roommates and for the families or couples they will share a room amongst themselves. We anticipate that homes of varying sizes, to accommodate the community needs, will be built or obtained in the future.

We believe that there is a desperate need for insight into good nutrition, physical activity and meditation on the Truth. We believe every person has an invaluable story to tell and gifts to offer through those stories. The leadership of this organization is a collaboration of women from very diverse backgrounds; ranging from experience in management to counsel, from accounting to homemaking, from student leaders to women’s ministers. Each board member has invaluable experience to offer and the character to offer it freely. We are full of vision, passion and determination. With a proven work ethic each of us comes to the table with integrity, selflessness, a heart for serving and a true desire to make an impact on the lives of others.

These services will be free of charge to all groups (except men only retreats will not be offered initially, since the house is primarily run by women, and we are not equipped to teach that gender without some male influence), regardless of their economic status, race or religious views. We will be funded solely by donations from our members and supporters. We would love your support and encouragement, so please join us as you feel led. REST IN HIM

We are a supporter funded ministry. We offer our services to the public for free because we feel that finances are a major barrier to people seeking retreats and counsel; so we feel God has called us to eliminate that barrier. If you feel led to encourage us financially we have attached a donate account below and we thank you for any support you offer!