It never arrives as an obvious scream, but instead its just a subtle breeze that begins to whisper and quietly brushes across our tattered hearts leaving remnants of its intentions in every open crevice. Sometimes we recognize it for exactly what it is, but more times than not we are allured by its charm, seduced by its clever approach, confused by its message. How can fear find its way so deeply into our thoughts, our hearts, our souls? It erodes any Truth, or Trust that we have somehow mustered up in our half hearted efforts. It tears down what we think we know and towers over us with shadows of cold gloomy despair. But we are not a creation marked for fear; tho I believe this with all of my soul, I find that until I am willing to stand in the very face of that fear I am no match to its cunning ways. I cannot run fast enough, or hide deep enough, or fade away into the distant backdrop hoping it will not find me; hoping it will forget its very task of robbing me of my hope this day! No I must stand nostril to nostril with it, as its breath torments every fiber of my being...
The Murmur of Pain
Oh but this one you often see coming. You feel its approach from deep within your belly. You know when you are standing on the edge and you realize you typically respond one of two ways; you run with all you have away from its hold, out of its grasp, from under its weight..you distract and you stuff and you deny the cries from your aching soul. Or you stand right in the center, still and uncertain and often shaking; you welcome it and you wait! Its heavy there, often perplexing to the mind and heart. It approaches those old wounds with familiar lies and tempts your soul to lose sight of all hope. It drains your spirit and leaves you alone to witness to yourself; which is often the most unreliable source to go to in a time like this! It seems as if it will last forever and your eyes grow ever tired as they strain to see the light at the end. Your reason is no use here...but your pride finds its way in, to convince your heart and your mind not to feel its honest sentiment of hurt, disappointment, confusion; to deny the pain ever to exist at all...Pride directs you right out of the center and back into the very vortex which created the pain to begin with...how clever are you pride to set yourself up against this material that would grow, shape, heal and free us...
The Voice of Love
Oh sweet and precious child of mine, it is when you are afraid that you usually seek to find Me if you seek anything at all. Fear is your enemy, but Love casts it out. So when you seek Me I come and I revel in our time together. I fill you with strength and courage, integrity and wisdom, and I warn you of danger; but you are free of fear in this space...in this awareness, it has no hold on you! You slip through its fingers and find you have nothing at all to fear! You learn to look into My eyes deeply and assuredly. You learn to hold My hands tightly, placing your fragile life into My grasp! You wrap My neck in both of your arms and burry your head in My chest. My Spirit pours out all over you and you know once more....You are Mine and you have nothing to fear. You surrender....I deliver and you are set free.
The pain is such a different encounter for us, you see much like a wounded small child will climb into their parents lap and sit for hours as they are comforted by their love...so you are with Me when you get hurt. I cherish these moments of Union with you My beloved. They are so few and far between in this part of your life, that I allow them to come and sometimes to last simply because I know that this exchange is precious and pure and what I long to have with you always; yet it seems only here in the center do you see how much you have need of My lap, of My gaze and of My comfort. Do not grow confused, I love to laugh with you and sing praise with you. But truly it is here in the darkness that you begin to see My Face and long for My Will; our communion is sweetest in the center of your pain. My heart sings when you trust me like this; when you draw even deeper into Me when nothing else is making sense. I know you understand My Love in these moments; because this is what Love does, it leans in harder and deeper than it ever knew was possible and it holds on to Me, I Am Love....nothing else seems to matter in those moments. Have you not yet noticed? Nothing else will truly satisfy you in those moments. Have you not yet noticed?
These seasons, they shall pass....but you will never leave the awareness of My presence unchanged. It is in pain and fear that you learn nothing else will deliver you but My Love. So yes dear one it may last another day longer, but please lean in deeper; this exchange will satisfy your soul more profoundly and endure longer than any solution you can contrive of or any distraction you can create. I made you to commune with Me, and often it is only here that you come. I know it doesn't cure the pain just yet, but isn't it beautiful that we get to sit wrapped in each others arms just a moment longer...I see in you here, that you know I know you better than you know yourself...I see in you here, belief and faith and trust in their most powerful and pure forms. It is a Joy for me to hold you and I cherish every breath you offer in My arms; nothing can get you here....surrender and I will deliver you beloved...
