Will it be enough? Do you ever find yourself asking this? I do, probably more than most. I guess its the feeling of not being enough, having enough, knowing enough and on and on and on..... In the quietness of my soul I listened the other day and heard Him whisper, “Who gave you your ability Sarah? Did you give it unto yourself?” And so I lined up all the things that I feel gifted with and held them up to the light and asked myself what exactly I believed about it all. I started with counsel. Well, here is one I knew God gave me. Because I never ever feel prepared or like I am enough to sit before a human heart and help them find the healing He has planned. I know I need Him for this! I know I am not enough, but what I forget is that everything He has given me up to this moment, sitting before one of His precious children, is enough and He will always do the rest. So dare I say to each of you, “What He has already given you will be enough, even and especially when you are sure you are not enough!” How does that settle? Hard to believe? Hard to not run back to all the things you are not. Why is it that we find comfort in what we are not, but never in what we are? I would argue that in His infinite wisdom He knew this would draw us to Him; His will and His purpose. I need Him to counsel, I am only part of what He has already done. So lets move on to the more obscure. Lets take writing....I never knew I would write. My mom would say she probably knew, but I did not. All of my writings were private! But one day it was like an idea dying to escape my mind and all that I could do was fall and let my hands speak through little black buttons on a keyboard. I look back often and learn from my own writing. Often wondering where on earth those words came from. But I do not wonder long; those who wonder are not always lost. I know He was inspiring me! I never practiced writing formally, never went to a school for writing; just simply found that He had placed it deep within me from an early age! I am always moved by what He does with these stories and my broken soul! I am honored to write. I am not great at grammar, spelling; nor do I claim perfect english or writing knowledge. But yet I write as if I know I am not enough and He never fails to quicken my heart and provide the content for the page. So onto Yoga; where counsel, writing and worship collide! This one I struggle with. After all I have studied for years, I have gained certifications and attended the conferences. I mean didn’t I do this? I have stood before my class confident and prepared to teach. And until recently I thought I was enough.....When my heart began yearning for more; when I wanted depth in these moments, this is when I didn’t feel like enough...what a familiar lesson I learn...When I am doing His work I do not feel that I am enough, this puts my mind and soul in perspective. I do not dare enter the room without my armor. I am talking of course of something that is no longer about the workout, but about the worship! Who on earth did I think I was to lead worship? Apparently its not who I think I am but who He thinks I am. I am finally empty in this gift; finally sure it is His and not mine! That He brought me to this moment and gave me this heart and this ability and I know I am not enough. But what He has already given me will be enough. My “not much” is plenty if I bring it before Him. In yoga I have learned to slowly fade away into the background, while He moves to the forefront and does it all! Perhaps not being enough is precisely what He had in mind.....When I think of the gift of Love that He has placed so deep inside my being; I know I am not enough to love as He has loved. I know because I resist from time to time. When my pride insists they do not deserve forgiveness or mercy or grace.... but despite me He loves through me. I feel it rise from the inside out; I can no longer see the old person just the new standing before me and a love I cannot describe from within does stir. Their trespasses fade and the current moment floods my eyes; I see hope and a future that is beautiful and promises healing and freedom for us both!
As God would have designed a world that is upside down from what we have created or come to accept...when you feel your least; He can make you His best...when you feel your weakest; He can make you His bravest warrior...when you are afraid to jump; He can make you fly....when you feel something has died; He can restore it to life! I have never been so afraid to dream again and yet never so excited for what He can do with this in me. Something in me had died last year and here it has had a new awakening. Its as if with the arrival of spring came new life...new courage....new direction....new adventure....new freedom! His love is amazing indeed! As the brash wave of winter has dissipated from my soul with the dormant branches slowly inhaling deeply of their former vitality. What an inspiring picture of resurrection He has painted over nature; the dead springing into life, but not just any life...New life. A New name has been given to you my Beloved; one that will remain through all seasons. May I allure your heart back unto Myself as I bring you back to life! Breathe... just Breathe and know I Am God! The ruler of this world cannot stop the seasons from changing, and new life from arising......
