Release...

I stare up at the fan silently cutting through the warm air this strange winter day delivers and I wonder how this moment rushed upon me so suddenly. How this flood of emotion came forward and settled on my soul…The spring air stirs such fire in my heart…and I become well acquainted with why He gave us seasons. And well aware of why He gives us promises. I listened as the Spirit spoke into my heart today, “the words of my promise once more”…with hollow resistance I wearily sank into surrender all over again. But what a gift today’s invite was, what a place of reenergizing passion for Him; for His presence. As I revisited the story of sweet Mary, once more the verse I love dove off the page and directly into my chest; capturing my breath and my undivided attention. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:19


This young girl has been invited on the adventure of a lifetime. With little understanding of the sacrifice and pain to come she sits quietly, pondering within her heart. Quietly surrendered to being wherever God was, no matter what it would cost her. Have you ever felt so certain God had given you a promise that no matter what you tried you always found yourself pondering it in your heart? Knowing that only God could accomplish such things and deeply, blindly, restlessly grateful to be asked to join Him in the fulfillment. The last few days have brought to me the same message, again and again. Staying in God’s presence no matter where that may be is what matters. He is not as concerned with our circumstances as He is with where we remain in the middle of it all. He wants us to be with Him. Here we see this young girl, faced with an inexplicable situation; a promise no one could understand or even believe. Facing the possible rejection of her betrothed, facing the pain of child birth, facing what seemed impossible and instead of panic she treasures it all …I know this is possible only because she is in His presence which surpasses all of the fear, doubt and panic. She knows this promise was made to her by her Lord and she silences every other noise in order to rest in the simplicity of Him and His peace. The testament of our promise is not so much the moment of fulfillment as the surrender of whatever it costs to get there; that we would choose to be where He was in our lives instead of where we think we ought to be. So I treasure it Lord, and I ponder in my heart all the promises You have breathed into my core. I look back at all the pain, the doubt, the fear and recognize Your love; Your presence available whenever I wished to rest in it. In this passage, Mary makes it seem so lovely, so simple, so obvious….but I have found that I resist for reasons unknown to my conscious self. I was driving the other day and felt an ache run up my shoulder; I shifted and adjusted trying to comfort myself when the gentle whisper brushed across my heart, “Sarah lean your head back into my hands, just stay in the comfort of My Presence.” And as I did the pain dulled and I began to wonder playfully in my mind of how precious a gift His presence is. But despite myself, as if waking up from a dream where I had no control, I would find myself repetitiously leaning forward and trying to fix the pain myself. I had to practice leaning my head back into His hands over and over. But profoundly every time, no matter how many moments that I left His hands, He would welcome me back and offer me peace. It is not because my heart is noble that I stay here, but because I have come to know Your Love so well that I cannot rationalize existing anywhere but there. My cost is worth it to be a part of Your Story Lord….please remind me moment by moment of this….may Our journey be an adventure unlike any other and may it challenge every fiber that You’ve woven together into the creation called me in order that I see the promises You’ve written into my story come to pass. I chose to trust You and stay with You; I surrender all of me; I believe even if it costs me all that I know….