This is your journey....

We are all weaved into the tapestry of Grace; every thread finding its strength in being  connected to God and to one another. Meant to become a cloth of Grand design that displays His Magnificence! Revealing that there is no perfect story or ideal relationship; just a conglomeration of stories and relationships woven along side the Scarlet Thread. The very Thread that was sent by the Father in order that all the other thread could encounter their purpose and know their dignified worth in the hands of the Weaver. I start here simply to usher you into the sharing of my journey, the parts of my story that I see Jesus tattooed all over. It had been a rough finish to the end of last year. So many changes and losses along the way; and the last three months proved to be the hardest on my spirit...I simply had found myself unmotivated and passionless...uncertain of how I ended up here on the journey and feeling, honestly, as if I had failed. People were constantly asking how the ministry was doing and I could not seem to find an answer that was even satisfying to me; I mean I was seeing God work day in and day out but I just couldn’t see any vision, nor could I recognize my purpose in it all anymore. I entered the new year in a fast and also joining women and men around the world for ONEness Prayer through my Holy Yoga team. Which was great and had started to revive my heart! But it also began to highlight what I felt were my failures. All of the sudden I stood looking around at all of these magnificent creations and all that they were doing and being used for; though I found plenty of room to celebrate with them, I also felt the tug to look at my own situation and feel a bit unsure...to feel a bit small! To analyze whether I was doing enough, whether I was being complacent, whether I was still on the path He wanted! But honestly there I stood immersed in what I loved and pouring into the lives of those precious few God had entrusted me, as He entrusted them... But with whatever lens I was peering through in that moment, I only saw that which subtly eluded that I was not able to do all that I thought I should be doing! As I write the statement I see the Truth trying to capture my attention, but all I felt was that I was not able and those words held a powerful sting. Perhaps I should finish the story as it played out.....So it is week two of the fast and I am invited by a student of my Holy Yoga classes in Edmond to come to her church and share the gift of Holy Yoga with a group of women. I had surrendered to His guidance for this group and trusted He would lead each wherever they needed to go; of course He did! But prior to walking in the doors of that church I had sat in my car asking God once more for the things I had entered my fast seeking. “Lord revive my passion and show me that this is still Our adventure; that there is more to it than this!” I needed to see once more, what all of this was about and mostly what I was doing here, smack dab in the center of it! I was an hour early and just sat in my car talking with Him about the things that were heavy on my heart; about the questions, the doubts, the uncertainties, the feeling insignificant in my own journey..... when oddly the random thought entered my head to go get a pack of gum. Knowing this was outside my fast, I tried to talk myself out of it when I heard God say, “that’s not your battle, go get the gum.” So I drive over to the gas station, getting out to take a gander at the ridiculous assortment of gum available to a person. I find the one I want, I pay and go back to the comfort of my car. As I opened the cover I noticed one of those QR (quick response) codes in the top right of the flap, and as I scanned my eyes across it I quickly understood there was no possible way of me understanding this code. Even if I could scan it, I would only be taken to the place it wanted to lead me. But it did not take the time to reveal the entire journey in which I had to travel to get there. Even the program and equipment that could read these scans would not be able to put what the code meant into terms that I could understand. Even if it tried explaining it I would not be able to understand the language it would have to use in order to establish what was really going on amongst all those dots, lines and boxes. But I did understand that every code was unique; every code distinctly different. But what really captured my attention were the words that had been printed on the left side of the code. In bold white letters “This is your journey”! I truly wasn’t sure why yet but the words grabbed me, and I felt a leap deep inside my spirit. I knew to pay attention. As I went through the teaching that night I loved how God led and how my confidence in myself lacked; somewhere in that exchange is where I always know God is working! I fade away and every heart in the room is offered a pure opportunity to soak in His presence and hear whatever it is He wants to reveal. Eyes are always closed so no one is looking at or to me for revelation. I am simply the facilitator for the moment; God is the revealer, counselor, transformer, comforter, and friend! It was a beautiful practice and His presence was known. After I stepped away from the stage, another woman (oddly enough named Sarah) stepped up to share some of her story with us. As the words left her mouth, I began to understand the bold White words that had grabbed me earlier in the evening. With simplicity she started her story and then sighed, paused and said, “Before I get too far into this I have to say, “This is my journey, each of you in this room have your own journeys; each one significant, each one relevant.” It hits me right there what God is trying to offer me. It was so simple, so true and not even brand new information; just now revelation came along with it. My mind raced through what this meant. You mean this is my journey and I should be celebrating it, not comparing it? This is my journey and I should be filled with excitement for what is to come, not with dread for what is yet to be done? So let me get this right God, if You wanted me to speak in front of gobs of people, I would be? If You wanted me to be a famous artist, I would be? If You wanted me to be the author that I think I should be, I would be? Even more, all this could be happening tomorrow for all I know?  I cannot understand the entirety of this journey but what I can rest in is that You are the author and You are getting me where I am supposed to end up? So I can rest? I can enjoy right now, these precious moments of being Davyn’s mommy? Of being a Holy Yoga instructor to a small group of amazing people? Of being an average PTA president at the school down the street from my house? Of being a friend and a counselor? Of just being me? I don’t have to find more in order to be significant? I don’t have to work harder to make the ministry You gave me look like or act like the world thinks it should be? You mean, truly this is enough? This is my journey??? Oh how marvelous I felt. How free! How safe! How certain that I was loved! 

Every fiber of our journey, even the broken, tattered and worn down parts are interlaced together to make a thread; one that when joined and woven together with other threads creates a whole picture. Every thread bearing the dignity of its Designer. Every thread necessary in order to define the Masterpiece. Every thread different. Do you see? We are the tapestry. Our journeys are different because they must be in order to bear the Truth of God. Parts of the story just aren’t enough. The dirtiest, most dreadful piece of thread, still has it’s place in the tapestry! Everything matters! The good, the bad, the disturbing parts of your journey....they matter! The colorful and the dull parts matter. The dark and the light. The new and the old. The forgotten and remembered. The healing and the sickness. The wealth and the poverty. The hunger and the thirst. The big picture just isn’t complete without your part, no matter how significant you or the world interprets that part to be! We cannot understand the code, and we cannot decide what is truly valuable to the code. Only He can! I wish I had a picture of what the final tapestry looks like. I bet it is breathtaking! I bet the Scarlet Thread touches every thread on the tapestry at some point or another; bringing with it Passion and Potential and Dignity and Worth. All this to say......THIS IS YOUR JOURNEY....NOW GO LIVE IT!!!! REST IN HIM 

What Grace is this....

Grace encompasses so very much more than my teeny mind can comprehend but when You glimpse before me deeper meaning I am captivated and simply in awe! With a little crumbled up piece of paper in my hand that reads “My Grace is sufficient enough for you.” My heart opens just a bit more to understanding Your words. Its as if I could feel You whisper into me, “Return to grace with every breath, in every breath and for every breath, and beloved it will be enough for you!” Grace stifles out the constant verbal thinking that insists you have not done enough, worked hard enough or achieved enough. You have not made all the right decisions or accomplished all the expected successes. You have not prayed enough, loved enough, served enough, lived enough and the oh too powerful and familiar thought, “you are not enough.” Grace meets these thoughts right from whence the darkness came and quietly responds, “I accept that, and it may very well be true in this world, but it does not change the fact that I am still accepted enough and loved enough, by the only One who truly matters.” For by the Grace of God I am who I am, right here and right now with all my failures, shame and disgrace. This is my story, all of it! It takes back the power from the darkness and returns it to the source. Those words of yours lose their influence and any control they had over you, as you begin to accept them and then quickly turn to the One who accepts you no matter whether these things are true or not; whether they can be counted or covered. I suppose I just never looked at Grace quite this way. I suppose I always looked at Grace as what God gave me after I had sinned. Not what He gave me during my sin. Not what He offered me in every moment. Not what He provided to save me from myself! But here it is a very sweet exchange of all my “not enough’s” for an all powerful “I said you are enough!” Grace does not always change us immediately but it does remind us of how very much He loves and believes in us! It is just the most endearing gift! He does not try to change us or insist on us doing it His way (because He knows that we cannot without Him), instead He offers Grace and through a numerous and continuous offer of that very Grace, we usually find ourselves transformed deeply over time!

Your life is then no longer the sum of all the places you did it right, the places you succeeded, the places you excelled; but instead it is more about the place you went after you had done it wrong, after you had completely failed or screwed up, perhaps again and again. It seems so unfair, it seems like we should pay for it or earn it....but it is simply offered over and over. I would argue that Grace feels like betrayal, especially when we are asked to extend it unto others. To simply accept that someone, as they are with all the things they have done, even those things that hurt you; that they deserve Grace! Our minds will often scream, “but they haven’t earned it, they haven’t even begun to change their behavior.” Insert the prodigal son story here, remember how it plays out. Remember Jesus came for the sick not the well and aren’t we all suffering from just a little of the sickness? But you see, that is the mystery of Grace and the beauty of it’s supernatural healing power. Grace feels a lot like love, it accepts injury and insult without a fiery tongue that lashes back, accepts rejection and betrayal without vengeance having its way, accepts that everything is beautiful just as it is, broken and messy and that there is still light to be found in every space you look! It smiles at the darkness welcoming its taunts and then without shame turns to bathe in the Light. Even as I write this down, I feel as if I want to stop my hands and utter aloud, ummm....now hold on here! Isn't this giving an excuse to people making bad choices to keep making bad choices and never change? Don't we have to do something, if we don’t change and do things right then Grace will surely stop. It is as if I want to attach a warning, a fairness button, if you will, for all of us who are making the right choices today....but wouldn’t it be an utter shame if I had my way! Wouldn’t all of my wrongs look so much different if I could not see them through the lens of Grace! This reminds me of that story in the bible about the workers who were paid the same wage no matter what time of day that they had started working.......so here we stand 2000 some odd years later complaining of the same treatment. Surely those who have sinned much should not receive the Grace I did when I came to work for you Lord. Surely the man who murders, rapes, abuses, steals cannot find His name among those in the Grace Story. Surely those who continue to hurt people and themselves cannot touch Your Grace and receive from it the healing, peace, comfort and love it offers. But who are we to decide what each man will be paid for their labors here on earth. I know it feels wrong but I have come to understand it as perfectly right...It is AMAZING GRACE!

Wisdom from the Thorn

Still processing it all from the previous blog...however, as revelation has come upon me today I must mention, I had tried myself to pull the thorn out many many many times; but to no avail! My methods were painful and rash and desperate at times, but the thorn never budged. It simply bore itself more deeply into my side as if to say, “It’s not your hand that may remove me from your side.”  Only the hand of God could remove the thorn, and it required little effort of my own; I had only to lie down and be willing to let Him work. For the thorn had its orders and I had mine, and only the Lord could speak over either of us to move....I suppose I say this because of the beauty of His perfect timing. For a time I needed the thorn, He was using it in my life; He was there! When He no longer saw a need for it, well then He came to me and walked me through its removal. Much like the last line of the previous blog...the wine making is up to Him. It is learning what your role is and knowing you have one, but relenting before Him always to listen for what this moment’s Wisdom may offer and being aware that this Wisdom changes from season to season. We do not control the seasons, and therefore cannot control the changes. We can resist them but ultimately will be overcome if it His will in which we have come to desire! So leave the thorn removal to Him which designed the rose; partake of its splendor for the season and partake of the pain if it what is necessary.....

The Moon Daddy......

“Why is the moon following us Daddy?”

“It only appears that way dear.”

I entered my weekend of retreat greeted by the sweetest story from the lips of a precious woman of God. She tells of a young girl in the back seat of her Dad’s car asking ”Why is the moon following us, Daddy?” And her Father explained in great detail Einstein's theory and other scientific details; trying to satisfy her question. To which she replied, with gratification in her voice, “Ok, Daddy.” After an hour more of driving, again she said, “Daddy, why is the moon following us?”  This time her Daddy just smiled and said, “It only appears that way dear.” 

 Perhaps that this is how we can view Our Father, that He could try, and may have tried, to explain it all to us but our simple and small minds are unable to comprehend and we find ourselves asking “Why” over and over again, and the best answer He can lovingly offer is, “It only appears that way dear.” 

 I sat in the car, riding to the retreat, feeling the familiar draw of the Holy Spirit within my chest. My mind had found itself buried deeply in the throne room of this heart and there I stood, palms open, waiting for what was coming upon me. I knew it was Him, because I had not even known a season of mourning was owed until He stripped the armor from my body and breathed into me, “Let us prepare for surgery dearest Sarah.” I humbly laid down and with every nerve in tact felt as His masterful hand reached into my side and pulled out the thorn. As long as I had been waiting for it to be removed, I thought elation would be the first emotion I felt but instead, what felt like deep, deep sorrow welled up from within. A sorrow I knew the Holy Spirit felt and shared with my soul as I began to cry. I heard my own lip’s confess, “I will embrace this loss and mourn it with and through You beloved Spirit.” It isn’t a loss as maybe some would imagine. I hadn’t lost a life, a relationship, a job or any other tangible obvious thing. But instead I was losing a thorn, a thorn I had been asked to carry. A thorn that I had felt transform my spirit, my soul, my identity, my story....One that beautifully mingled a journey of pain, of struggle, of indifference, of wrestling, of absolute surrender, of trust, of faith, of revelation, and of identity into the most profound dance I have ever experienced! But today He was saying, “I am removing it from your rib sweet child and though your body has grown over its point and the flow of its shape has joined in harmony with your flesh, it is time for Me to take it out! It will be painful, but it must come out in order for your flesh to heal.”

  So surgery began and I surrendered and wept as we walked through it! I knew He couldn’t explain it to me, I knew I would never understand! I knew that why was a question I needed to relent. That there was not an answer in this moment that would satisfy my soul and so He simply breathed once more, “It only appears that way dear.” The thorn held tight to my innermost parts, but He kindly cut away until it fell to the floor. So I grieved....and the women around me grieved with me, in silence and prayer. Most not even knowing what or why I was grieving. But the fragrant gift of silence the Spirit offered us all, left us in a room filled with raw heavenly expanse. The sweet story of the women at the grave of Jesus kept brushing up against my soul. That there they stood weeping and staring at an empty tomb, confused and disoriented. There was no understanding to be found! The promise had been so Alive, for so long, for these faithful women who spent much time in His divine presence, but now had appeared to be dead. The tomb that once held the promise was now empty. He was gone from that place. He was no longer where He was for all those years before. He had departed and there they stood bewildered; mystified at how and why all of this had happened as it had. So they wept and they mourned and they let every raw emotion fill the space between their lungs; as if they had known it was a necessary part of the process. Death and mourning precede resurrection; and Glory can be found woven throughout the thread of the entire process. So as I gazed down at my open wound, now missing the very thorn with which the skin had been held in tact for so very long, I wept. I felt. I painfully rejoiced in my utter uncertainty. I recognized that He was no longer there. He had moved; I didn’t know where. I guess as I stood there I even began to wonder if there was ever anything there at all. But quickly His gentle, loving hand moved in and massaged my heart with the reassurance that this is not about whether He was ever there; He was and I knew it! I had seen too much, heard too much and experienced too much of Him there to deny it! This was simply a time to mourn the loss of what was for so long His work space, and was now no longer. He thoughtfully revisited Abraham and Isaac with me, revealing a much more profound perspective. “Sarah I am right here and I was right there too. There is a reason you cannot make out within your own mind, that which I tell my children for a time one thing and then at a time of my knowing, I exchange it with something new. I desire for them to follow me no matter where I go. However they can get too attached to what I once said, and they will tend not hear what I am saying now. Imagine if Abraham argued with Me at the top of the mountain, “But You said this, I must do this, it must be this way. Because I am certain You said this.” As if he believed that this one Word from Me was the end all be all for his life; as if it were the measure of his entire relationship with Me. As if this happening just as he thought it would was somehow linked to who I was in his life. What if he was so bent on having and doing it right in his mind that this became the objective, and he missed or even rejected Me saying something new to him. Something like, hey don’t kill your son Abraham.” 

 Why are so many of us uncomfortable with this? With God saying in one moment one thing and then at another moment something completely different? I think it reveals to us our greatest fear; that we do not have God figured out. That we truly do not have the knowledge of the Tree of Good and Evil, and that, if we are honest, we hesitate to believe that the Tree of Life is enough for us. Our desire to give all things meaning sometimes overwhelms our ability to just be wherever He is. Because the beauty of all of these stories from the bible and our lives, is that God is in something new and more Glorious than the place He had first been encountered. It does not negate or minimize the previous encounter but it moves our perspective into a more remarkable encounter ahead. The retreat was so symbolic of how His healing works, He performed the surgery, mourned with me as He healed me, and then quietly invited me over to be washed by His merciful hands. As if to meet me where I stood and offer Himself once more as a sacrifice for my life, my sin, my pain and my struggle. And so in the moonlight of the night beneath all His creation, bare and vulnerable I entered the water and let Him wash over me.  As I let my gaze move toward Him, willing to follow Him into the new places we would go, He quietly knelt down and continued washing away the fear, the doubt, the shame, the embarrassment, the judgement and the worry that was tied to where we had been.....setting me free to enter the new space with more joy, and trust and faith and awareness than I had ever known. You are so so good Healer, Father, Redeemer, Friend and Companion. I will go where you go and I will relent that when the moon seems to be following me home that maybe, just maybe it only appears that way....I will trust that the Son will rise with each new day to meet me when I wake with a new and more Glorious breath of Life. I will continue to fill my life to the brim with the water, but I will leave the wine making up to You....

Rest In Him sweet, sweet journeymen!!!

B.E.L.I.E.V....

As I stood in the kitchen at my sink this late afternoon, I felt the sun peeking over the top of the house next door; its radiance poured out over me and I felt loved. Not in a way words could explain, but in a familiar fashion that only the heart can translate. The whisper of wind floating in the trees as I looked out and saw with certainty that You’re not finished yet with this situation; as of now I must accept that Your word still stands. I heard You speak and yet I have doubted and argued and fought those words with each glimpse of their impossibility. But I always end up here...sure that this is what I was told. So even as my soul screams for freedom from the vow I’ve taken to believe, indeed I must do just that!  Not just to believe where it’s easy or for what I chose, but to believe in things I do not find happiness or understanding. And the sunlight catches my eye once more and I am taken by the sheer joy Your presence brings me. This is life as You meant it! If only I could stay here all the days and simply forget what awaits my emotions as the world around me finds it way back into my consciousness. For it was just the other day I sat with You and a friend on that beautiful green sofa and cried bitter tears of anguish and called out to You, “I need You to cut this string or secure it with two others; that it may not be easily broken. I am not strong enough, alone, to carry the weight of what I have been asked. My mind is tortured as I watch the charade being bought and sold, time and time again. As if we are all blind and dumb to the truth. I just want to be set free from the tie that binds my soul to those words I heard You speak so clearly.” My cries went on, “Father, have I not done all that You have asked, do I not live in Your presence and for Your story? Then please show me; release me from this! Tell me I was wrong, my pride does not find a purpose here; being wrong would cost me less. I need Your peace to leave and I beg You, relentlessly, to set me free.” And so it began, You answered my prayer with two more strings. I may never know this side of Heaven why You told me these words but I know I trust Your wisdom in the matter and just ask that You would Hold me close and bring me more of You. My understanding is not like Yours and I long to find You in every breath my lungs inhale. So if I must stay here longer, then I beg Your presence becomes overwhelming and my intimacy with You contented; that I may know You more. It is in this moment in the sun that I see Your answers.....The words exchanged before my ears so that I may hear and listen again. The dreams that haunt my sleep that I may rise and pray again. The strength that is passed to me from your precious flock that I may speak and believe again....and so once more I will stand and I will believe! With no agenda, with no desired outcome, with nothing to gain or lose...just a dependency on You that will survive whichever outcome lays in store!  

It wasn’t until I sat down to write that I began to recognize the inspiration our window exchange had left me with.....I walked away lead to create and as I sat it all just began to flow, much like when We write together Lord. It came quickly and naturally. As I spelled out BELIEVE and painted it onto the canvas, I saw I had no room left for the final “E”. Right there in the panic of how to salvage all that had already been put into this creation, a masterpiece was birthed. In my miscalculation of the edge, I began to see something there in this work of art that I had neither planned nor anticipated. I thought it was over and instead it was just beginning. Here is what was made....

Something beautiful always happens when we are willing to Believe....

Dog biscuits do not contain magnets....

The title must bring about some sort of inquisition for you. So let me fill you in; it is three separate stories that all have come together for one...God is good! The other day I had gone out to my car and at some point realized my drivers side tire was flat. To which my response was a simple smile and joke between God and I about Hibdon tires. I candidly whispered to Him, “yeah, we are do for another visit to the office.”  Then I smiled inwardly to myself because, you see, every time I have gone to Hibdons over the past four years I have had an amazing interaction with one of His children and it never fails! So I didn’t panic as I knew it was coming and honestly with some excitement I got into my car and drove very slowly on my flat (I know bad idea, but I was sure God was gonna get me there safely....after all I had an appointment). I drove with sheer anticipation going 20mph the whole way :)

 So as I arrived at Hibdons with my books in tow preparing for a long visit. I bought four tires and sat down to read. I took an initial scan of the guests but no one particularly stood out so I simply prayed, asking God to have His way and went on to read Matthew in my message bible. As they had pulled my car in, I saw them start working on it and took the opportunity to pause and look around for any possible eye contact, but none. So back to reading I went; oddly enough as I see them finishing up my car, at precisely the Right moment, a man sits down next to me and says, “Are you reading the bible?” My eyes look up upon a tall man of middle eastern decent. There was a spark in his eyes and as I replied, “yes”, he said, “that is very good, very good.” Trying to contain a joyful smile he asked, “What part are you in?” To which I said, “The new testament; Matthew.” I went on saying, “You know I can read this book year after year and I am blown away by all the new things it reveals to me each and every time I pick it up.” He nodded his head as if in complete agreement and gently said, “I feel the same way about the Koran.”  He continued, “There is always more between the lines that God wants to show us.” We sat and spoke of God. We talked of how the endless search for worth and money has left our people heavy and burdened; but that a relationship with God could cure it all. We pondered why it is so hard to teach people this and how you cannot force ones eyes to be opened, ears to be cleared, or hearts to be receptive. But how once you’ve seen, heard or experienced Him, you just want to share all of the gifts He has poured out on your life with every man and woman. I explained that relationship with God seems so intangible to people and that this is why I thought it was so hard to offer that gift to others.  To which he replied with a quite humorous but very true metaphor. He said, “I would argue that God is tangible, He leaves a trail on our lives and on all creation that shows He has been there,” He said, “and it is a tangible trail.” He started the metaphor, “It is like a camel in the desert, they are hard to catch a glimpse of as the dirt blows and camouflages their coats as they blend so well with the sand, and so long after the camel has gone, whether you ever saw him there or not there is a trail, a trail of his poop is left behind and so you can be certain a camel was there.” He said, “I think God leaves a trail too, in our lives and if we look closely we will see that it is indeed there and is very tangible.” I pretty much loved him for comparing Camel poo to God’s trail in our life, but the point was true. I knew I could indeed find tangible places where God had moved through my life, and he in his.

 We concluded with a comparison of the gifts of the ruler of this world, we both knew him as satan, to the gifts from the ruler of the Kingdom, God. And he left me with this thought. He said, “When we acquire the gifts if this world (i.e. really anything monetary or material), we have the hardest time sharing them. There may be a select few people we choose to share with, but we certainly don’t naturally go offering them to a perfect stranger. However the gifts of God we cannot help but want to share with everyone.” I said, “Perhaps it is because subconsciously we recognize that there is an abundance of one where there is never enough of the other. The other will never fill you, no matter how much you gain you intrinsically know it will not be enough; it cannot be enough. And so you have none to spare for a brother or sister. But with Gods gifts, love, joy, peace, kindness....there is a never ending supply and you naturally want others to share in it with you. It feels right when you share them and really,  really good. There is enough to go around.” Within our final words he said, “ We can never completely understand Him; He is God and we are not, but we can have relationship with Him which is enough and probably all we could handle.” I simply walked away in awe of God and His ways which I can never fully understand; even when I think I have the perfect grasp I realize in humility I do not know at all. But I always have a relationship with Him and that warms my soul and fills me completely. 

So the day goes on and the following morning I arrive at Holy Yoga, where a dear friend of mine is stepping into teaching and this was her first class. The message she decided on was the Wisdom of God stemming from the story of Job; which if you have read it really shakes one’s understanding of God and of God’s relationship with satan and the choices made for our lives...lots there! But mostly it expresses how little we really understand about God and that we cannot truly question it because we don’t posses the capacity to process the answer. There were no right answers among the friends who came to speak to Job, and even Job had it all wrong. None of them had it figured out and none of them truly understood what was going on, even though some tried to convince themselves they did. God did not intend us to understand Him, just to be with Him. Just to love Him and trust His judgement and guidance for our steps. We struggle to understand, we try to explain...all of us do it! Because it makes us feel better or more safe or closer to God; like if we box Him in then we will never be shocked, surprised, or hurt. Now we all know logically this is absurd but we still do it. He has never asked that of us; trying to understand Him completely. He has simply said, “You my child can trust Me.” We try to make sense of His movement in our lives; and it is an ongoing process to relinquish our own understanding and rest in His. It boils back down to trusting in who He is, and what He has said, and believing in the availability of your relationship with Him. And the security that this is enough! That you do not need to understand to believe and live fully in Him!

Our cars and our houses are purposed to contain us, but they cannot and neither can we contain an understanding of God. He is free, He is everywhere, He is a mystery, He is beautiful, He is loving. But mostly He is available; all the time, in every moment, in all things! So the last story brings us back to the title. I was meeting with a dear friend hashing through some of the struggles I had and surrendering to the fact that I truly had no idea exactly what God was up to. That I have had moments of discernment along the way but far from a complete picture about why I am where I am with certain promises He has whispered to me. Things I don’t want or want to do but cannot shake the constant message that indeed this is what He is asking. And so I get up to go to the restroom and as I sat down I see a tiny, folded up piece of paper in the corner on the floor. And I focus in on it and it seems to have writing on the inside. So I reach for it and as I unfold it I read, in bold print as if from a manufacturer,  “DOG BISCUITS DO NOT CONTAIN MAGNETS.” I thought, huh!?!?!?! That doesn’t even make sense at all, but I knew God had wanted me to find that little piece of paper and so I stuck it in my purse and rested knowing, or rather hoping, He would eventually explian. So later that night, I typed into google “dog biscuits do not contain magnets”. The article that came up was funny to me and spoke about anthropomorphizing (ascribing human characteristics to a non-human). Hmmm.... isn’t this exactly what we do to God. When as far as we know, He does not think, live or breath like us. I have had a long hard walk of trying to figure out why things have happened in my life. Not understanding why He asks me to do one thing and not to do others. Why this and why that; oh and of course the moments when I thought I had it all figured out.... what I have come to discover is I am not God. We cannot attribute our qualities onto Him and then decide we have it all figured out and lay judgement on the world, or disappointed on Him when it does not play out as we had figured. The truth is that the very best of our thinking is much too simple and much too self serving to be compared to Wisdom of God. The perfect metaphor for trying to understand God is about as clear as DOG BISCUITS DO NOT CONTAIN MAGNETS...I can see it, I can read it, I can comprehend what it is literally saying, I can gather that it means something, but for the life of me I do not claim to understand or have it all figured out  about why this little note was ever printed or what exactly it is saying or how it found its way to my path, but I believe God does! Some of you may think you know, some of you may spend the rest of your life burdened to figure it out and then a few of you will rest and enjoy whatever has been given to you whether good or bad and find fulfillment in simply getting to know the Creator, Designer, Manufacturer, and Keeper of all that you will ever come to see, hear or know! 

p.s. I see God in all of this, linking it all together before me and for His Kingdom. You may not understand or see how I concluded this...but I'll leave the explaining up to HIm, He is always more more equipped to get the intended point across than I...... Rest In Him!

Stories untold....

Sitting here behind this page I realize how very long it has been since I’ve written. But sadly I also sit and recall all the stories I should have told when they were fresh to my soul, instead of buried  behind days of frivolous details that have fogged the glass just enough to have lost their simple clarity. How many stories do we leave untold? I often wonder what comes of story telling, but I have seen and don’t need to question long the answer to this. I mean it is, after all, stories that make our lives. Often stories told in truth and transparency do miraculous things for the lives of others. They give us insight and understanding, compassion and relevance, perspective and coherence, community and comfort, inspiration and connection. They give us reality like none other. Why do you think testimonies are so valuable? They offer a similar taste of a reality we are all trying to grasp onto; not the reality of this world but the reality of the divine that we catch sight of in brief but intoxicating encounters. We are all captivated by stories, no matter our age, gender, disabilities, fears, doubts, insecurities, religion or occupations. Think about it...stories level us out to the same field. Movies are stories; some true, some not, but stories none the less. Books, songs, poems, psalms, the news, scripture, pictures, magazines, and even science; all stories told from one man to another! I acknowledge not all stories are good or true, but all stories intrinsically command an audience and capture our attention. They play on our thoughts, emotions and experiences. They offer us escape, adventure and creativity. A good story will stop people from what they are doing and draw them into contemplative and euphoric states; ones where they have forgotten their troubles and surrendered their responsibilities to briefly partake in the telling of another’s experience with the human condition. Watching, hearing or reading a story from a distance is influential of itself but the straightforward act of asking someone their story will often produce a bond between mankind unlike another.  I live for stories, I have discovered the simple but powerful connection that sharing your story and offering an environment for others to share theirs creates. People want to tell their story, they are dying to be heard and known. This is one of the most beautiful gifts we can offer each other. Let me explain...it makes people feel loved, trusted, significant, human if you will... I do not always hand a homeless person five dollars but instead stop what I am doing to sit and exchange stories with them. Whether true stories or not, these stories need to be heard and should be told. It is no matter of the accuracy as much the simple act of saying I will listen...I am not here to fix or mend, judge or correct, analyze or argue; but instead to offer you a basic human need..an ear to be attentive to your story. Our stories can and frequently will be skewed, but not to fret, this does not alter the transaction...because ultimately when we listen to a story we will only glean that which survives our analytical and bruised perspective. I can learn from a lie and I can learn from truth, because ultimately it all will fall on the table of my understanding and view of things before it reaches my heart. This I would argue is why stories are told, because we all do not have eyes that see the same, ears that hear the same or hearts that receive the same.

  I stumbled upon this story about stories in my message bible and love its simplicity. Matthew writes that the disciples approached Jesus and asked “Why do you tell stories?” He answers, “You’ve been given insight into God’s Kingdom. You know how it works. Not everybody has this gift, this insight; it hasn’t been given to them. Whenever someone has a ready heart for this, the insights and understandings flow freely. But if there is no readiness, any trace of receptivity soon disappears. That’s why I tell stories; to create readiness, to nudge the people toward receptive insight...”

  My gathering from this is that the transaction of story telling alone does something profound in the hearts of others; whether or not we agree is irrelevant, whether or not we have an epiphany instantly is irrelevant, whether or not we understand completely is irrelevant...story telling in itself is creating a posture for insight and readiness. I know I have told stories and the eyes across from me have said, yeah right. But I also know those same eyes have flickered with a what if... It isn’t my job to dissect the story and explain with certainty and precision what each piece unequivocally means. I tell the story setting it free to offer whatever it will to the audience. I don’t have control and so I do not try to control it. I do not have perfect understanding so I do not try to make them understand it perfectly. I do not know what they are gleaning and so I do not try to tell them what to glean...no it is a loving and free exchange of a story I found along my journey; there is beauty and purity and lessons and morals and hidden meanings and powerful messages waiting to be unfurled before the eyes, ears and hearts of the listeners. But I cannot wait to tell my stories for certainty that this is true or in order to teach what I find important; no instead I must speak and find the freedom that awaits my soul in the willingness to offer my raw, unfinished, unedited, imperfect, invalidated, but true as I understand them stories. With the willingness to be wrong, to be corrected, to be offensive, to be embarrassed.....So How many stories do we leave untold? Perhaps because we think they do not matter, or because they reveal too much of our selves, or because we assume no one would want to hear them, or we do not want to take the time to tell them? Write your story, speak your story, share your story, record your story, whisper your story, sell your story, sing your story, dance your story, act your story, capture your story, live your story..because you matter and your story may just be the beginning of readiness and receptive insight for a fellow journeyman or even for yourself....